


525,600 minutes

by socallmedaisy



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-03-31 08:14:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 34,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13970985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/socallmedaisy/pseuds/socallmedaisy
Summary: Waverly tells Nicole she’s leaving ten days after they watch Perry take Alice away, and the only thing she can think to say is, “Where are we going?”“No, I mean—” Waverly’s eyes are wet, and Nicole doesn’t understand what’s happening.“I’m leaving.”





	1. how to be alone this year

Waverly tells Nicole she’s leaving ten days after they watch Perry take Alice away, and the only thing she can think to say is, “Where are we going?”

“No, I mean—” Waverly’s eyes are wet, and Nicole doesn’t understand what’s happening.

“ _I’m_ leaving.”

Nicole just stares at her, feeling panic bubble up in her chest. “I don’t under—”

“I’m leaving Purgatory. I can’t— I need—” Waverly huffs out a breath, wipes at her eyes. “I can’t do this.”

Nicole doesn’t know if she means the conversation, or.

“Wynonna shot Willa, and I was possessed by a demon, and then the Widows and Tucker, and you nearly died.” Waverly finally meets her eyes, her words coming out like they’re tripping over each other. “You nearly _died_ , Nicole. And then I screwed everything up, and nearly got everyone killed just to save you, and Wynonna sent Alice away, and… and I’m not an Earp, and I can’t do this.”

“Waverly, let’s just take a minute here.”

Waverly steps backwards away from her, and Nicole knows she’s already made up her mind.

“Don’t come looking for me, okay?” Waverly’s eyes are pleading and her voice cracks in the middle of the last word.

She wants to reach for her, but she grips her belt hard instead. “You can’t leave. Wynonna needs you.” It’s the only thing she can think of that might make her change her mind.

“Wynonna has a family. And I’m not an Earp.”

“Like hell you’re not.” It comes out a lot angrier than she intended, and one corner of Waverly’s mouth quirks up.

“That’s what she said too. Look after her.”

“Waverly—”

She turns and walks away, arms wrapped tightly around herself. She’s never looked so small.

Nicole watches her go.

//

When she goes home that night, the few things Waverly had started leaving around her apartment are gone, and she falls into her bed fully clothed and sobs until she can’t anymore.

//

She has never called in sick in her life, but she does it the next day, her raw throat and scratchy voice supporting the lie.

She doesn’t get out of bed, but she strips her clothes off down to her underwear and then lies there staring at the ceiling, no energy left to find new ones.

Her cell rings insistently, and she reaches for it, seeing Wynonna’s name on the screen.

She doesn’t plug the charger in, and it rings until the battery dies.

//

Wynonna’s drunk when she shows up three days later, whiskey bottle swinging loosely from her hand.

They just stare at each other for a long moment while Wynonna sways against the doorframe, and then Nicole steps aside so she can come in.

Wynonna looks how she feels, and she leads her to the kitchen table wordlessly, kicking back the chair until Wynonna sits down.

“She left, Haught,” Wynonna says eventually, and her voice sounds so broken Nicole can’t stand it.

“Yeah.” She has no idea what else to say.

Wynonna just looks at her helplessly, and Nicole feels something squeeze tight in her chest.

Nicole tugs the bottle out of Wynonna’s hands and takes a long pull. She splutters a bit when she puts it back down on the table, and Wynonna pats her hand just once as she takes it back.

“You have to go back to work,” Wynonna says eventually. “Things are going to hell without you.”

Nicole just nods, not wanting to say she feels like she's already there. “Yeah, okay.”

“You also need to take a shower.”

Nicole huffs out a sort of laugh, and Wynonna catches her eye with a sad smile, and it doesn’t help much, but.

//

She goes back to work two days later, uniform pressed, hair clean.

The other deputies give her terse nods of greeting like they’re not sure what to do, but Nedley puts a fatherly hand on her shoulder absentmindedly when he goes by her desk, and she swallows hard against the lump in her throat.

//

Dolls is in the break room getting coffee when she goes to get her lunch, and he nods at her when she looks at him.

“I’m glad you’re back, Haught.”

Nicole wonders if when Wynonna said things were going to hell, she didn’t mean with Nedley and the boys, and she fills her cup, takes a sip before she says, “I’m ready when you need me.”

She hopes he can't hear the way her voice shakes, and she slides her uneaten lunch off of the counter into the trash before she turns and walks away.

//

At the end of her shift, Nedley slaps two glasses down on the end of her desk, two fingers of whiskey in both of them, and sighs heavily. “She's a damn fool, Haught.”

She reaches for the glass and makes a noncommittal noise in the back of her throat. It's not really agreement, and Nedley sighs again.

Nicole’s knuckles turn white around the glass as she sips the drink. It's better than the stuff Wynonna buys, doesn't quite burn down her throat.

“Okay,” Nedley says eventually, standing up with a grunt. “I’ll be in my office if you need me.”

He's halfway back to the door when she says, “Thank you, sir,” and he just nods once, his back still to her, before he ducks inside.

//

She stares at her phone sometimes, in the dark of her room, late at night.

The screen is open to her conversation with Waverly, but there’s been no new messages since she left two weeks ago.

She wants to ask where she is, if she’s safe, tell her that she misses her and loves her and—

Her hand shakes as she thumbs the back button, until the thread closes and she’s staring at the selfie Waverly had taken of them and then set as Nicole’s background with a shy smile.

She stares at it for a long time, her thumb stroking against Waverly’s smiling face.

She stares until her tears make the picture blur.

//

Nedley gives her a week of night shifts after she snaps at Lonnie one too many times in front of him, and she ghosts around the station, enjoying the quiet.

There’s a light flickering through the door of the Black Badge office at 2am, and she taps once before she goes in, expecting Dolls and thinking she might be able to help. They still haven’t really talked about Bulshar.

She stumbles to a stop when she finds Wynonna instead, her head in her hands as she slumps over Jeremy’s computer. Her shoulders shake, and Nicole shifts uncomfortably, her hand twisting round her belt buckle.

She's caught between wanting to help and not wanting to intrude, some part of her mind shouting about how Waverly had told her to take care of Wynonna before she left and this is what she meant.

“I wasn’t expecting it to be this hard,” Wynonna says, voice hoarse, and Nicole thinks she’s talking to her before she hears another voice answer softly from the computer speakers.

For a second, hope lurches in her chest when she thinks it might be Waverly, but she recognises the voice as Gus even though she can’t make out what she’s saying, and the hope twists into something more painful.

Wynonna sighs at what Gus says next and looks up, her eyes catching Nicole’s across the room.

“Shit,” Wynonna says, one hand halfway to Peacemaker, the other coming up to wipe at her eyes. “Shit, Haught, wear a bell or something.”

“Sorry,” she mumbles. “I thought Dolls was—” She shakes her head and swallows the rest of it. “Who are you talking to?”

Wynonna sniffs, but she beckons her closer, and when Nicole steps around to view the screen, she sees Gus blinking back at her, unimpressed. She swallows, and her eyes slide sideways to where Alice is tucked into the crib next to Gus fast asleep, one tiny hand curled around the edge of the blue blanket Perry had taken her away in.

“She looks peaceful,” Nicole says softly, and watches a tiny smile flicker onto Wynonna’s face.

“One of us should be.”

//

There's more than enough police work to distract her. Parking tickets to write, neighborly disagreements to settle, a robbery at the old abandoned factory over on Pine.

She responds to every call, takes overtime when Nedley offers it, ignoring the concerned look on his face.

The other deputies are older than her. They have families, kids they want to see on the weekends.

Nicole has no one.

She tries to lose herself in it, but she misses Waverly waiting for her in the bullpen when she gets back from patrol around town, a soft smile and softer hands reaching for her as she sits down at her desk.

No one brings her lunch and no one waits for her to finish her shift, and it takes nearly three weeks before she stops looking up expectantly every time the door opens just in case Waverly came back.

//

The notification that her divorce has gone through arrives when Waverly’s been gone for just over a month.

She stares at the letter for a long time, until a broken-sounding laugh forces its way out of her mouth, bubbling up from low in her throat before turning into loud, noisy sobs.

//

The nights she finishes work on time, she brings dinner over to the homestead, because she’s seen Wynonna cook and the last thing Waverly said to her was to look after her sister.

They sit in silence, mostly. Picking at their food, until Wynonna sighs and retrieves a bottle of whiskey from whichever place she’s got it stashed that day.

Nicole has always preferred beer, never thought she could get used to the way it burns down her throat.

She doesn’t even feel it anymore.

//

It takes her six weeks to work up the courage to ask Wynonna if she’s heard from Waverly, and she wishes she hadn’t when she catches Wynonna’s expression before she turns away.

“R-right,” Nicole stutters. “Me either.”

It hurts more than she thought it would, but at least it’s not just her.

//

Waverly’s been gone nearly two months when she almost shoots a civilian, thinking he’s a revenant. Wynonna shouts her name at the last minute, and Doc takes the gun from her limp hands and slides the clip out, leading her back to her cruiser with a sympathetic look in his eyes that she hates.

She’s pretty sure Dolls says something to Nedley, and she doesn’t get suspended or have to have a psych eval, but she does get put on desk duty for a month.

She unclips her belt and puts her gun down on Nedley’s desk before he can even ask, and he sighs heavily as he leans back in the chair.

“She’ll come back, Haught.”

“Sir,” she says neutrally, eyes fixed on the wall behind his head.

“Earps always do.”

 _But what if she doesn't think she's an Earp?_ she wants to ask, and her vision blurs. She leaves before the first tear falls.

//

She wonders why Waverly left when she can't sleep, turns it over in her mind like it's one of those hypothetical problems they gave them at the academy.

Nicole would always get to the answer first, but it doesn't work that way now.

 _Motive_ , she thinks, starting at the beginning, but there's too many to get a handle on and her thoughts jumble.

She's never left Purgatory. She thinks she's not an Earp. She needs it to stop. She needs to work out who she is without an overbearing girlfriend hovering over her shoulder.

She never wanted to be with Nicole.

 _Solution_ , she thinks desperately, but she can't think of any at all.

//

They get the first postcard ten weeks after Waverly leaves. It arrives at the homestead, the address written in Waverly’s neat looping letters with no name at the top.

The only thing it says is, _I’m safe_ , and Nicole flips it over to look at the palm trees and beach on the other side.

If she’s in California, she’s traveling down the coast, and the cop part of her mind starts mapping out probable routes she could take next and where Nicole might find her.

She remembers too late Waverly told her not to follow.

“She’ll miss the snow,” Wynonna says beside her, voice tight. “That much sun isn’t good for anyone.”

Nicole can’t even pretend to laugh.

She bets Waverly looks amazing with a tan.

//

“Why did she leave?” she slurs, as Wynonna and Doc carry her from Shorty’s back to her apartment. “Why doesn’t she call?”

It’s been another two weeks and they’ve heard nothing else from her, and that’s somehow worse than the fact that she’s gone at all.

“I don’t know,” Wynonna swallows, not looking at her, the alcohol making her eyes bright in the dark.

She’s lying, Nicole knows, but she can’t remember why.

Wynonna has her arms around her while Doc gets the door open, and she presses her face into Wynonna’s coat so they won’t see her cry.

//

Chrissy Nedley brings her lunch at the station when she’s on desk duty, picking up two sandwiches or a salad instead of one when she's trying to get her dad to eat something that at least involves vegetables.

“You don't have to—” Nicole starts to say, but Chrissy just lays a hand on her arm and gives her a look so Nicole says, “thank you,” instead and starts to unwrap it. She’s seen that look work on Nedley too many times to try to fight it.

“Look after a cop and a cop looks after you,” Chrissy says brightly, “that’s what my dad always says.”

“It’s kinda my job to look after people,” Nicole says around a mouthful of chicken. It's good, made better by the fact she can't remember if she's eaten yet today. “And I’m pretty sure Nedley only tells you that so you’ll bring him lunch.”

Wynonna finds them together, Chrissy perched on the end of her desk laughing, and just raises her eyebrows at her from the front desk.

It’s where Waverly used to sit when she was waiting for Nicole to finish her shifts, and Nicole lifts one shoulder in a shrug as she takes another bite.

//

She doesn't see Wynonna for a week.

She's not at Black Badge, and when she drives over to the homestead no one answers the door.

It makes the ache in her chest since Waverly left get worse, and she works three days of double shifts just to give herself something to do.

She doesn't know what happened, but she thinks it's her fault, and her calls go straight to voicemail every time she tries.

//

When she gets home from the station, there’s a thick letter shoved in her mailbox, and she recognises the handwriting at once, kicking the door closed behind her as she rips it open.

There’s no return address, and she drops the envelope, not even looking where it lands.

There are three pages Nicole thinks are from one of the notebooks Waverly likes, neat looping handwriting covering both sides.

She closes her eyes for a second and exhales noisily before she starts reading.

_Nicole,_

_Please don’t throw this away._

_I’ve wanted to write this since I was on the bus out of town, to explain what happened and why I left. I owe it to you at the very least. And Wynonna, too. I hope you’re looking out for her. I’m in a diner in the Midwest, and all the towns look the same. Just wide open fields for miles, then a few buildings and back to fields. It’s sort of like Purgatory, only without the mountains and snow._

_And without you._

_I don’t know how to do this. Remember when I said that to you when we kissed for the first time? You said I did, and the way you looked at me made me believe it. I wish I could borrow some of your confidence now._

_I miss you, Nicole. So much. As soon as the bus crossed out of the Triangle I wanted to come back. But the part of me that wanted to leave in the first place convinced me not to. The truth is, I needed it to stop. Not like the way the world stops when I’m with you—when you kiss me and I don’t care about anything else but that moment. But really stop. Stop like I needed to run away from Waverly Earp for a while._

Nicole feels tears at the corner of her eyes where it looks like Waverly has almost crossed out Earp then thought better of it.

_I keep having nightmares that Clootie has already killed you all, and it’s my fault. I keep having nightmares about you in that hospital bed, and I know I’d do it all again. I don’t know how to deal with that. I betrayed my sister, and my friends, to save you just so some other thing could kill us. And then I ran away before I could help you stop it._

_After Mikshun, I used to have dreams where I was locked inside my body watching it do things I couldn’t control. That’s how I felt after it was gone, and things kept happening so fast. The Widows and Tucker and the DNA test and the hospital. The only times I felt real was when I was with you. But it’s not fair to put that on you. And when I thought I’d lost you, there was no choice at all, and then the demon might as well have been in control of me again._

_I don’t know if this even makes sense. I just knew I had to write it. I had to explain. Or try to at least._

_It was so hot in California. It made me miss you so much because all I could think was what’s the point of somewhere so hot? You wouldn’t need to wrap yourself around me at night to keep me warm. I didn’t stay there long._

_I’m coming back, Nicole. I promise._

_And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. When I come back it’s the only thing you’ll hear me say for a while, okay? I hope you’ll be able to forgive me. I hope you still love me._

Waverly’s handwriting has gotten shakier, and Nicole wipes at her eyes.

_I love you. I always will._

_Look after Wynonna please._

_Your Waverly._

Nicole’s eyes burn as she stares down at the way Waverly has signed it.

Her hands shake as she flips back to the front page and starts again.

//

She falls asleep with the letter in her hand curled up under her head, and wakes up in the morning with it stuck to her face.

She reads it through again, although she practically knows it by heart, using her fist to try and smooth the paper out against the sheets.

The words blur until all she can see is _I love you_ and _I’m coming back_. They settle into her, in the place where her chest aches, right before her eyes land on _look after Wynonna please_ , and she climbs out of bed.

//

Jeremy blurts out that Wynonna’s at the homestead before Dolls can stop him, and she drives over there, determined not to leave until Wynonna opens the door, Waverly’s letter folded neatly in the back pocket of her jeans.

She thinks she can feel it, hot through the denim.

She has to knock four times, but it works. Wynonna opens the door and stands there with her arms folded across her chest, eyes hard.

“Hey,” Nicole says, forcing herself to stand straight under Wynonna’s glare. “I haven't seen you around.”

“I guess we’ve both been _busy_.” The way she says the last word is heavy with something Nicole doesn't understand.

“Sure,” Nicole tries. “So what's going on?”

Wynonna’s eyes narrow, and she huffs out a laugh. “Nothing much. How about you? Moving on to the Sheriff’s daughter? Go big or go homo.”

Nicole only just manages to stop herself from taking a step backwards at her tone of voice.

“I— um. What.”

“I didn’t realise you were Chrissy Nedley’s type.”

“I didn’t—” she snaps her mouth shut, completely lost. “I’m sorry, are you pissed at me about something?”

“No,” Wynonna says gruffly, shifting her weight to the side. “You can do who you want.”

Wynonna slams the door behind her and shoves past Nicole before Nicole can get out of the way. She feels Peacemaker, rough against her hip.

Just before she gets to the porch steps, Wynonna stops but she doesn’t turn round. “Waverly’s been gone less than three months. And you’re already forgetting about her.”

The anger flares quickly, and she balls her hands into fists before she can stop herself. “Because Chrissy Nedley brought me a sandwich? Jesus. Grow up, Wynonna.”

Wynonna huffs out a breath, but she doesn’t say anything else before she stomps down the steps and heads for the barn, Peacemaker in her hand.

Nicole just watches her go.

//

Chrissy’s in the bullpen when she gets back to the station, brown paper bag in her hands.

“Hey,” Chrissy says, smiling when she sees her. “I got you a burger.”

It smells so good, so she takes it gratefully, fumbling a little as she unwraps it. Chrissy’s eyes are soft as she watches her, and she nearly drops it when she remembers what Wynonna was accusing her of, and has to steady her hands.

“It's dad’s cheat day,” Chrissy rolls her eyes. “And you don't look like you eat enough.”

Nicole shifts in her seat, thinking about the first month after Waverly left and how everything hurt too much, including eating regular meals. She's been better since then, though late nights and whiskey with Wynonna probably aren't helping.

She didn’t think anyone would notice.

Nicole takes a bite and hums appreciatively. “Thanks, Chrissy.”

Chrissy pats her shoulder as she turns towards Nedley’s office. “You should take better care of yourself then I wouldn't haven't to.”

Her voice is just tight enough for Nicole to know Chrissy is telling her off, and she swallows the mouthful of burger and waves a hand, trying to keep the mood light. “Would you still bring me burgers at work? Because if not, no deal.”

It works, and Chrissy laughs as she ducks through Nedley’s door.

//

She gets a call about trouble at Shorty’s a week after she's been back on active duty, and on the way there she tries not to think about the first time she’d seen Waverly, shirt soaked through behind the bar.

She pushes through the doors with the ghost of the confidence she'd felt back then, and takes in Wynonna, obviously drunk, Peacemaker swinging round wildly to point at the few people left in the bar.

“Hey Wynonna,” Nicole calls, and Wynonna spins round to point Peacemaker at her, before her eyes widen and she drops it down to her side. “What’s going on, girl?”

“That crazy bitch nearly shot at us,” one of the men at the bar says, while his buddies nod along with him.

“I still might,” Wynonna takes a step closer to him, but Nicole cuts her off, looping an arm around her waist and pulling her away from them, ignoring Wynonna’s protests. Wynonna slumps down onto a stool when they get to the table in the corner, and Nicole stays standing in front of her.

She tries to make herself big, blocking Wynonna’s line of sight, the way she'd been taught.

“Wynonna,” she says again, drawing Wynonna’s attention back to her. “Are you okay?”

Wynonna stares at her for a moment, her eyes glassy from the whiskey Nicole’s sure she’s been drinking, and then her face crumples, and she lets out one noisy sob. “No.”

Waverly told her to look after her sister, so Nicole wraps her arms around Wynonna without thinking, stepping between her legs and holding on tight as Wynonna sobs hot angry tears into her shoulder.

She’s a bit taller than Waverly; she can’t quite rest her chin on Wynonna’s head.

The thought makes something twist painfully in her chest.

“Me either,” she says, but she doesn’t know if Wynonna can hear her.

//

Two days later, Wynonna’s leaning against her cruiser outside the station when she finishes her shift, looking sheepish.

“I’m an asshole,” she says, before Nicole can say anything. “And I forgot you’re not Champ.”

Nicole nods, a flash of anger running through her that Wynonna would even think of comparing her to Champ Hardy. “Is this supposed to be an apology, or.”

Wynonna pushes off of the car and falls into step beside her. “I’ll buy the shots if you’ll come to Shorty’s with me.”

Nicole rolls her eyes. “Good enough.”

They walk in silence for a moment before Nicole sighs. “I’m not interesting in moving on, Wynonna. With anyone. ”

Wynonna nods down at the ground. “I know. And, I mean, Chrissy Nedley.” She makes a face.

“What's wrong with Chrissy Nedley?” She’s not faking the irritation that creeps into her voice, and Wynonna rolls her eyes.

“Well, she's straight for one.”

Nicole bumps her shoulder against Wynonna’s and smirks. “Waverly thought she was too when I met her.”

Wynonna smacks her before she can get out of the way. It actually hurts, and she brings a hand up to rub at her shoulder for a second, glaring at Wynonna’s grin.

“I'm pretty sure Chrissy is bringing me food because Nedley told her I wasn't eating enough after Waverly left. Or because she noticed. I don't know how involved he is, but there isn't much that goes on in the station he doesn't know about.” She says it quickly, not looking at her.

“Oh.” Wynonna’s shoulder bumps against hers for a few steps. The silence stretches and then Wynonna says, “but you're doing better now, right?”

Nicole nods down at the pavement. “Yeah.”

Wynonna stops and puts a hand on Nicole’s arm to get her to face her. “Who’re you talking to, kid?”

Nicole sighs and meets her eyes. “I’m doing better, but I'm not doing okay.” Her voice comes out tight, and she swallow a couple of times to try and clear it. “You know how this feels.”

Wynonna searches her eyes for a moment and then nods, slings an arm around her shoulder as she starts them off towards Shorty’s again. “I got you, Haught.”

Nicole thinks it sounds like a promise.

//

She helps Dolls when Wynonna isn't around, research on Bulshar and the Cult, and things she remembers from her childhood and hasn’t told anyone before.

She tells him about her parents and makes him promise not to tell the others, and he gets her a beer out of the BBD fridge and sighs when he says, “Okay.”

Wynonna narrows her eyes at her like she knows something is going on when she occasionally catches them together, but she never asks, and Nicole appreciates that.

//

They get a second postcard when Waverly’s been gone for nearly four months.

It has a picture of the Empire State Building on it, and this time all there is written on the back is her name.

Wynonna stares at it for a long time before throwing it down on the table and stalking out of the house. Nicole hears the front door slam, and then the sounds of gunfire and glass breaking, and settles down to wait for her to come back, twisting the card around in her hands.

//

She thinks Wynonna is timing her video calls to Alice and Gus to coincide with her night shifts, but she's not sure why until the third one, when Wynonna breaks down as soon as the call disconnects.

“Hey, come on, I’m here,” she says uselessly, trying to wrap an arm around Wynonna’s back.

Wynonna turns her head until it's pressed into Nicole’s chest. Her hair spills everywhere, and Nicole brings her other hand up to try and push some of it away from Wynonna’s face.

“I’m here,” she says again and feels Wynonna nod against her.

It takes a long time for Wynonna to cry herself out, and she twists her hand into the front of Nicole’s shirt, creasing it before she finally pulls away. “Sorry.”

Nicole nods and sits back, awkwardly. “You know I’m here if you need—”

Wynonna huffs out a laugh as she wipes at her eyes. “Thanks, Nicole,” she says quickly. “Really.”

“I got you, Earp.”

//

She takes a sucker punch to the face when she and Dolls end up in a stand-off with some Cultists, and she feels her nose break, feels the warm gush of blood down her face.

“Haught!” Dolls shouts, getting one of the two people they're still fighting into a sleeper hold and then pushing the man’s head into the wall for good measure until he crumples.

“I’m okay,” she wipes the back of her arm against her mouth, spitting blood as she takes the shot with Jeremy’s gun and watches the second man fly backwards.

Dolls puts a hand on her shoulder, turning her to face him. “That needs setting.”

“It’s fine.” She shrugs him off, and goes over to search the bodies. There’s pain spreading across her face from between her eyes, but it’s no worse than anything else she’s experienced lately. She hardly feels it at all.

“Nicole,” Dolls’ voice is softer than she's ever heard it, and she searches the unconscious man’s pockets roughly, just so she doesn't have to look at him. “You need to take care of yourself, okay?”

She meets his eyes for a second when she hands him the scraps of paper from the man’s pocket, nodding just once before she looks away.

//

“Haught!” Wynonna throws herself at her when she gets back to Black Badge, enveloping her in a tight hug. It jars her face and she winces against Wynonna’s shoulder.

There's something like desperation in the way Wynonna holds her, and it's only when she pulls back after a long moment that she says, “Dude, your face.”

She reaches up slowly to press her fingers against Nicole’s chin, turning Nicole’s head so she can see better, and then drops it when Nicole winces again.

“Is it bad?” She thinks she already knows the answer; she can still taste dried blood in her mouth.

“Waverly’s gonna kill you.”

The silence holds for a moment, until Nicole starts to laugh, sort of hysterical and sort of not, until Wynonna joins in.

//

Wynonna insists on taking her to the hospital, so she goes, but refuses to let them put her in a room, not wanting to face the memory of Waverly’s voice cracking as she told her they weren’t exchanging their deathbed _I love yous_ the last time she was here.

The doctor grumbles at her the whole time she's strapping her nose up, sat on a gurney in one of the hallways. “You don’t get frequent flier miles for this you know,” she says, and Nicole has to look away.

//

Nedley storms into the hospital with an angry expression on his face a half hour later, and he only stops when he sees her, a nurse fitting a protective mask over her face before they’ll let her leave.

“What,” he barks, marching closer, “do you,” he jabs a finger towards her chest, “think you're doing?”

“Fighting bad guys,” Nicole says, her voice turning it into a question that hitches at the end. She presses herself back into the wall, trying to get away from him.

“Without back up?” he almost yells.

“Sir,” she tries, and then snaps her mouth shut when he glares at her.

“You're riding your desk until that heals, and then we are going to have several conversations about protocol and the fact that you call me before you get into a fight.”

“Call _you_ , sir?” she checks, just to make sure.

Nedley glares harder. “Or the station. For backup.”

“Yes, sir.” Nicole’s glad the mask partially hides her smile.

It's not until later that she remembers it’s probably the first time she's really smiled since Waverly left, and when she goes to work the next day she takes Nedley two of his favourite donuts with his morning coffee, and watches his expression soften.

//

Chrissy is almost as pissed off as her dad when she finds her at her desk the next day. She throws the salad down in front of her and then folds her arms across her chest, glaring.

“Hi Chrissy,” Nicole tries. She knows she looks worse now than when she first broke it, two black eyes either side of the strapping over the bridge of her nose. The protective mask the doctor had given her sits on her desk.

“You look like Jared Leto after Ed Norton breaks his face in _Fight Club_.”

Nicole remembers the scene. Chrissy has a point.

“It gives my face character?” She doesn't mean it to be a question, but it still comes out that way.

“Your face was fine the way it was, so stop being a reckless idiot please. People care about you.”

Chrissy doesn't wait for her to reply, just turns and marches back out the way she came. Nicole stares after her, wondering when exactly she and Chrissy Nedley became the kind of friends who worried about each other.

//

Bobo grabs her off the street and tugs her into an alleyway when she’s on her way to the diner to pick up lunch for the entire shift, and she shrugs out of his grip and throws a punch at him before she thinks about it.

He catches her hand before it can connect. “Where is she?” he hisses, taking a step closer.

He’s tall, but so is she, and she straightens her spine and glares back at him, her free hand going down to her gun. “Who?”

“My angel. Your girlfriend.” She just about manages to stop her expression from changing at the word _girlfriend_. “My master’s prize. Waverly.” He snaps his teeth together, and she wants to wipe the smarmy smile off of his face.

If she didn’t know her bullets were useless against him, she would have already emptied her clip into his chest.

“She left,” she says, voice low, and considers drawing her weapon anyway.

“Left?” Bobo cants his head to the side. “Trouble in paradise, Officer?”

Nicole ignores him, her hand twisting around the handle of her gun. “You can tell Bulshar he will never get his hands on her.”

She turns and walks away without waiting for him to reply, her shaking hands balled into fists at her sides.

The tension drains out of her when she gets to the diner, and she has to stand against the door for a moment, breathing hard, before she can give them her order.

//

Two days later they’re eating dinner at the homestead when they end up drinking too much too quickly, Nicole to numb the pain of her broken nose, Wynonna just because.

She can't drive home and it's too far to walk, so she throws an arm around Wynonna’s shoulders to help her to bed, Wynonna heavy against her side.

She tugs Wynonna’s shoes off and pulls the blanket up over her, and when she turns to go Wynonna reaches for her arm and says, “Please don't leave me.”

Wynonna doesn’t quite look at her when she says it, her eyes glassy and fixed on the wall. Nicole isn’t sure if she’s really talking to her or not, but her feet stay rooted to the spot.

She remembers the fear lurking in Wynonna’s eyes when she'd got back to the station with her broken nose, and the way they've both felt since Waverly left, and only hesitates for a second before she kicks off her boots to climb in beside her.

Wynonna rolls onto her side to face the wall, and Nicole lies on her back, staring up at the ceiling. They're not touching, but Nicole listens until Wynonna’s breathing evens out and her body relaxes from the stiff posture she's been holding before she lets herself fall asleep.

//

She’s already in the kitchen in the morning when Wynonna comes in, looking a lot better than Nicole feels after all the whiskey they drank the night before.

“I hate how you both do that.” She says, then adds, “No hangover,” when Wynonna raises an eyebrow at her.

“Balances out the whole cursed thing.” Wynonna offers her a crooked smile that doesn't reach her eyes when she takes the seat next to her.

They drink from their coffee cups, and the silence stretches until—

“Thanks for sticking around last night.” Wynonna stares down at the table when she says it, but her hand snakes out to rest on top of Nicole’s.

It’s only there for a second, but Nicole feels the weight of it long after it’s gone.

//

She’s trying to finish a report on a traffic collision in a parking lot that had led to old Mrs. McCauley giving Pete a black eye with her purse, when Wynonna storms into the station, her clothes a little dishevelled and Peacemaker in her hand.

“I’ve just seen Bobo,” she says, voice low as she glances around for anyone who might overhear her. “Do you want to tell me what you and Dolls have been up to, and why Bobo told me to ask you what this bullshit demon is up to?”

Nicole just looks at her, feeling something like dread settle in the pit of her stomach. She opens her mouth then closes it again when no words come out.

“Nicole,” Wynonna says, half a warning, and Nicole feels herself nod.

“Not here, okay? I’m off in half an hour.”

Wynonna stares at her for a long moment before she nods slowly, and Nicole hopes that means she still trusts her.

//

She has to stop three times when she’s telling Wynonna about her parents and Bulshar. Once to get up and pace around the room, the second time just to get away from the sympathy in Wynonna’s eyes.

The third time it’s to go and get two beers out of the Black Badge fridge.

She exhales noisily and sits back when she’s done, and Wynonna lifts her beer until Nicole mirrors the gesture. Wynonna clinks them together.

“Welcome to the asshole parents club.”

“That’s really your takeaway here,” Nicole asks, huffing out a laugh.

Wynonna takes a pull from the bottle and then shrugs. “Yes. Because we’ll figure out the rest together.”

Nicole swallows hard against the lump in her throat, overwhelmed by the mix of relief and gratitude she feels. She nods down at her beer. “Yeah?”

“We’ve survived worse.” Wynonna doesn’t look at her when she says it, but Nicole knows what she means.

//

Waverly calls on her birthday.

She doesn’t recognise the number, and she answers it cautiously, not daring to hope.

“Hi ba— Nicole.”

Nicole swallows, and tightens her jaw. “Waverly.” Her voice is stilted with the effort it’s taking not to start crying and begging her to come home. It washes over her like a wave, and it takes everything in her to stay standing.

There’s silence for a second, then a quick whispered, “Happy birthday.”

She opens her mouth to reply but the line goes dead, and she squeezes her phone so tightly in her hand her knuckles turn white.

The next day at work she traces the number to a pay phone in Brooklyn, and when Wynonna asks her what she’s doing she says, “nothing,” and throws the Post-It she’d written it on in the trash.

//

Nedley makes good on his promise to keep her at the cop shop until her nose heals, and she feels like she can breathe easier when the nurse takes the strapping off for her, already longing to be back in her cruiser patrolling town.

She almost can't tell it was broken, not until she runs her finger down the bridge of her nose and feels a small lump between her eyes.

“Don't worry, you're still pretty,” Wynonna says from where she's slumped in the chair next to the gurney and Nicole rolls her eyes.

“Lucky for you.”

Wynonna makes a face, but there's no malice in it. “You wish, Haught stuff.”

When Nicole laughs, she thinks it might be for the first time since Waverly left, and it makes something loosen in her chest, just for a second.

//

Wynonna insists they go to Shorty’s to celebrate her nose healing, and she sits at the bar sipping her beer, watching Wynonna slam back enough shots for the both of them.

There's a lot of people in the bar, but she doesn't feel as lonely in a crowd as she did when Waverly first left, not with Wynonna next to her laughing, and Doc leaning over the bar to tell her he's not leaving her the bottle no matter how nicely Wynonna asks.

Not when Chrissy Nedley comes in with some of her friends and waves at her, saying something to the others before heading in her direction.

“You guys celebrating something?” she asks, as Wynonna slams another shot back.

“My nose is officially healed, and Wynonna says that means we drink.”

Chrissy laughs, “Can't argue with that logic.”

She orders a drink and Nicole pushes onto her tiptoes to lean over and shout, “I’ll get it,” when Doc comes back to tell her how much it is.

“You don't have to do that,” Chrissy says, money already in her hand, but Nicole pushes it away.

“How much do I owe you for all those lunches?” _And for being a friend when I really needed one_ , she wants to say. She swallow the words.

Chrissy sighs and puts her money away, and clinks her glass against Nicole’s bottle before she turns back to her friends.

//

Waverly’s been gone for nearly seven months when Matheson and Jones beat her on the bleep test on their annual physical, and even Wynonna looks embarrassed from where she'd come along to watch, her feet swinging against the bench she's sitting on.

Nedley flashes her a look when he reads the results, and though he angles himself towards the others when he tells them they need to get into shape before he’s forced to deputise Champ Hardy, she knows he's talking to her too.

Wynonna shrugs when she falls into step next to her, their shoulders bumping as they head back to the cop shop, and says, “I guess the whiskey diet only works for Earps.”

“It's official then. You're bad for my health,” Nicole says with a smirk, then shouts “hey!” when Wynonna hip checks her.

“Good for your mopey lesbian heart though.”

Nicole wants to disagree, but.

//

She sets her alarm an hour earlier than usual, and forces herself into her running shoes, which she finds at the bottom of her closet after fifteen minutes of looking.

When she opens the door, Chrissy is waiting on the other side of it, her fist held up like she's about to knock and Nicole takes a step back in surprise.

It takes her a second, but she takes in Chrissy’s workout clothes and makes a mental note not to bring Nedley his donut when she gets to work.

“Dad said you were looking for a new running partner?” Chrissy smiles brightly, and Nicole immediately regrets eating the burgers Chrissy brought her.

She remembers Waverly telling her they’d both been cheerleaders in high school, and that Chrissy had been on the track team too.

“Um,” Nicole says, pretty sure this is going to be embarrassing.

Chrissy ignores her. “There’s an easy route around town if you’re out of practice. Dad said you might need a couple of weeks to get back into it.” Her voice is kinder than Nicole probably deserves, and she just nods.

“Sure, Chrissy. Easy would be good today.”

//

She’s breathing hard before Chrissy has even broken a sweat, and she’s pretty sure Chrissy slackened their pace after the first mile, easing off a little at a time like Nicole wouldn’t notice.

She noticed.

It hurts the part of her that had to be first at everything at the academy, and she clenches her jaw and keeps going, her lungs burning.

//

She and Wynonna spend more nights at Shorty’s than they probably should, especially now she’s running with Chrissy, until Doc threatens to cut them off and actually make them pay their tab.

“You wouldn’t,” Wynonna gasps, and Nicole laughs into her beer.

She hasn’t been this drunk regularly since the academy, and she’s not sure that it’s really helping, but it numbs the ache in her chest for a little while, and spending time with the only other person who understands helps in a way she doesn’t have words for.

Wynonna doesn’t give her the sympathetic looks the others still do, doesn’t tiptoe around the subject.

She actually says Waverly’s name out loud and then clinks her glass against Nicole’s when Nicole says they should drink to her, wherever she is, and downs the rest of the glass.

She leaves Wynonna with Doc—she doesn’t want to think about what they might be doing together—and stumbles back to her place alone.

She misses Waverly’s smile and the way her eyes lit up when she saw her, how her hands were always soft and she’d find excuses to touch her, even if it was just tangling their fingers together while they watched a movie or Nicole was finishing her reports off at her desk.

It’s been nearly seven months since Waverly left, and she doesn’t think she’s ever felt so lonely.

She knows it’s a bad decision as soon as she does it, but she thumbs at Waverly’s name in her contact list and holds her breath.  

She presses her phone to her ear in disbelief when a computerised voice tells her the number is no longer in service, and then throws her phone across the room.

She hears it break, but she can’t find it in herself to care.

//

She dreams of Waverly.

Waverly standing up on her tiptoes and leaning into her to steady herself as she kisses her, her hand gentle on her neck, threading into her hair.

Waverly pressing her backwards into the bed, her hips bracketing hers as soft hands creep under her shirt.

Waverly moaning her name, and Waverly falling apart under her hands.

She wakes up breathing hard, and has to peel the t-shirt she wears to sleep in off of her sweaty skin.

//

When she wakes up in the morning, there’s another letter in her mailbox, the stamps on the front showing it’s come from England.

There’s still no return address and she tosses the envelope, unfolding the pages with shaking hands.

 _Nicole_ ,

_I hope I didn’t ruin your birthday. I’m sorry I called. I didn’t mean to hang up, but the way your voice sounded scared me and I panicked. I just wanted to hear your voice and then you sounded so raw and upset, and I caused that. I never want to hurt you again._

_I know how that sounds, when I left and didn’t tell you where I’d be going or when I’m coming back. When I’m just travelling further away from you instead of coming back home._

_I was in New York. I found a bar that was hiring and stayed for three months. The city was amazing, but all I wanted to do was share it with you. I wanted to tell you how my day was and have you tell me about everyone in Purgatory and the things you saw on patrol._

_I miss home. I miss you. I miss Wynonna. And Doc and Dolls and Jeremy._

“God, I miss you, too,” she breathes, biting at her lip. The pen changes colour, and Nicole wonders if Waverly wrote the next part later.

_It’s getting easier. I haven’t dreamed about Mikshun in months. When I close my eyes I don’t see you in that hospital bed anymore. I know it’s still not a good reason for leaving, but I think I know who I am again, even if I’m not who I thought I was._

_When I was in New York, I went to the New York Public Library, and I’ve been to the British Library here in London. You should have seen the books, Nicole. There were so many. Rare ones and special collections. I nearly got lost. Books I couldn’t get sent to the Purgatory town library. I found one about Wyatt I’d never seen before. Can you believe it? It had a whole chapter about Doc and their friendship, and I couldn’t stop giggling at how much Doc would have hated the way they described him. I got shushed three times._

_I like books. They make me feel useful. I like following the clues until you work the puzzle out and everything clicks into focus._

_Everything looks a little less blurry now. The only part that’s missing is you._

_I don’t know if you’re waiting for me. I’m not expecting you to be. We didn’t promise each other anything._

Nicole thinks about murmuring, “as long as you want me, I’ll be by your side,” in the quiet of Waverly’s bedroom and wants to laugh. She swallows and reads on.

_But I hope you’ll let me tell you about all this. I hope you’ll hold me and tell me it’s okay I left. I’ll be back soon. I promise. Just don’t go anywhere until I get back, okay? It’s selfish, I know, but please. _

She’s underlined the last word three times.

Nicole twists the sheets round in her hand, flipping them back to the beginning, her eyes lingering on where Waverly has signed it with just her name. She wants to be angry that Waverly’s talking about waiting and not expecting anything when she’s been waiting ever since Waverly walked away from her, and she’d wait forever if it meant she got Waverly back.

She wants to be angry, but she can’t, and she smooths the letter against the table and reads it again.

//

Waverly’s birthday comes and goes and she has no way to contact her, so she just buys a cupcake from the bakery on her way home from work and lifts her beer in a silent salute before she downs half of it in one swallow.

The cupcake is too sweet after the beer, and she ends up throwing it in the trash, swallowing hard where the crumbs get stuck in her throat.

//

Wynonna almost catches her with Waverly’s letter at the station. She's frowning down at it, reading the part about how they didn't promise each other anything when Wynonna says, “What's up with your face?”

She folds the letter quickly, shoving it in her desk drawer, and looks up. “Just, um, paperwork.” She gestures at the reports on her desk and pulls one towards her.

Wynonna’s forehead wrinkles in confusion. “Okay. Well listen, Doc heard something about where Bobo is, and I’m gonna go check it out. Be my backup?”

“Always,” Nicole says quickly, reaching down to check her side arm is tucked into its holster at her hip.

//

Bobo isn’t expecting them, and Wynonna draws Peacemaker on him, almost getting a shot off before he dodges out of the way.

He backhands Wynonna so hard she goes flying, and Nicole screams her name before she can stop herself, firing off two shots towards Bobo, hoping it might distract him.

He waves his hand and the bullets arc away from him, and he smirks at her as he hisses, “I guess Earps are your type, Deputy. Traded the fake one for the real deal?”

Her hand shakes where she holds the gun, and she doesn’t bother to fire again, just stares at him, breathing hard.

Wynonna’s getting to her feet behind him, Peacemaker coming up again. Bobo hasn’t noticed. Nicole keeps her eyes fixed on him, not wanting to give her away.

“Don't talk about her.” She snaps, her finger trembling on the trigger.

Bobo grins at her. “She's still not here, is she?”

“Shut up,” she growls. She fires off another shot and he snarls as he waves his hand, the bullet hitting the wall to his right.

“Must make you wonder if she ever really loved you at all.”

Nicole’s eyes burn, but she can see Wynonna in her peripheral vision. Peacemaker starts to glow behind Bobo, and his eyes flash red, the smile falling from his face.

“Of course Waverly loves her,” Wynonna says, and then she pulls the trigger.

//

She buys Wynonna a $60 bottle of whiskey for her birthday a few days later, and Wynonna smiles and puts her hand on Nicole’s shoulder for a second as she goes past to hide it in the kitchen cabinet.

“We’ll save it for a special occasion.”

She doesn’t have to say _when Waverly comes home,_ but Nicole knows that’s what she means.

//

Wynonna rides with her on patrol sometimes, when they’re not sure if the case needs to go to Black Badge or not.

She kicks her feet up against the dash and keeps Peacemaker in her hand, and always brings snacks that she stashes in the glove compartment, so Nicole finds them days later and has to throw them out before she gets chewed out by Nedley.

It’s been almost eight months since Waverly left, and while the ache in her chest is still there, it doesn’t hurt so much anymore, with Wynonna telling her dumb jokes on the way to check up on a tip off about something weird at the Walker Farm.

//

She puts her name down to work Thanksgiving so the others can have the time off with their families, and she sits at her desk in the silence of the empty station, catching up her paperwork.

Wynonna breezes through the door in the afternoon, surprisingly sober. She leans both her elbows on the counter, and rests her head on her hands. “What’s up, good lookin’.”

Nicole doesn’t even bother to roll her eyes. “Not much, you?”

Wynonna shrugs carelessly, her eyes darting away from Nicole when she speaks. “Just another boring day in Purgatory.” She pushes back off the counter, stepping around to Nicole’s side. “Want some company?”

Her voice is quiet when she asks, and Nicole thinks about what day it is and nods. “Sure, Wynonna.”

//

Doc keeps Shorty’s open, and they go when Nicole’s shift ends. Somewhere after the sixth shot, Wynonna leans into Nicole’s side and mumbles, “It’s Thanksgiving.”

Nicole nods against her head.

“I’m—” Wynonna twists away from her. “I know I don’t say it. But— thank you.”

Nicole just blinks for a second, and Wynonna laughs awkwardly. “Okay, asshole. This is the part where you say it back.”

“So demanding,” Nicole says, trying to smirk and lighten the mood. Wynonna’s words have settled into the old ache in her chest, and she’s not sure it really works.

She thinks about Waverly asking her to take care of Wynonna, and the nights they’ve spent together since Waverly left, hiding in the dark. She thinks about Wynonna in the passenger seat of her squad car; Wynonna laughing as they wait for their order in the diner, arguing over whose turn it is to pay; Wynonna at her side, tense and quiet, when they go to fight another revenant; Wynonna gripping her arm and running her eyes over Nicole’s face to check she’s okay after another shootout.

The smile is starting to disappear from Wynonna’s face, so Nicole reaches for her hand quickly. “Hey— thank _you_.” She ducks her head to catch Wynonna’s eye, squeezing Wynonna’s fingers.  “I mean it.”

//

It takes a solid month before she can keep up with Chrissy easily on their morning runs, and she feels better for it, just about.

“You're into rock climbing right?” Chrissy asks, when they're stretching out in front of her house. “They just got a climbing wall in the city, do you wanna go next weekend? Dad said you've got a day off.”

Nicole opens her mouth and then closes it, and Chrissy lets her flounder for a full minute before she laughs.

“Relax, sport. I'm not asking you out on a date.”

Nicole’s eyes widen, but she breathes a little easier. “No, I didn't think—” she lies, then shakes her head at the grin tugging at Chrissy’s lips. “You’re messing with me,” she realises, huffing out a breath.

“Yes,” Chrissy grins wide, “but the gay panic thing you had going on there was cute.”

Nicole rolls her eyes. “I’ll see you on Saturday.”

She starts to jog back to her apartment, and laughs under her breath when Chrissy calls, “it’s a date!” after her.

//

It's surprisingly easy to make conversation with Chrissy on the drive to the city. Chrissy tells her all about growing up in Purgatory when your dad’s the Sheriff, and how Waverly had been one of the only kids who wasn’t afraid she was going to rat out all the dumb kid things they did to Nedley and get them in trouble.

“I’m sorry, do you not want me to talk about her?” Chrissy asks, after she’s gone on for a while. When Nicole glances at her, Chrissy’s eyes are fixed on the way her knuckles have gone white around the steering wheel. She tries to relax her grip.

“No, it’s just—” She sighs as she makes a left turn. “I miss her.” Chrissy is maybe the first person she’s said it to besides Wynonna, and Nicole sees her nod sympathetically out of the corner of her eye.

She swallows, and pushes on. Now she’s started she’s not sure she can stop. "I feel like the first few months after she left I wasn't really living. I was just existing y’know? And it’s better now. But now I'm just waiting around for her to come back. It's pathetic."

She twists her hands around the wheel and makes a left turn, into the parking lot.

"It's not pathetic.” Chrissy says softly. “I know what you two had.”

“There’s a key word in that sentence.” Nicole huffs out a laugh.

“Have, then.” Chrissy almost rolls her eyes. “Look, you know why I gave you my sandwich that first time?"

Nicole blinks. "You gave me _your_ —"

Chrissy ignores her and keeps talking. "I hadn't seen you smile in months. You always looked so happy when you were working, both before and after you got with Waverly. After she left it was like you weren't even the same person. I just wanted to make you smile again. Waverly would not want you here acting like a shell of the woman she fell in love with."

“Oh,” Nicole says softly as she pulls into a space and kills the engine. She’d been so sure it had been Nedley’s fault. She glances sideways at her. "Did it work?"

"For about three seconds, I saw that light back in your eyes. Dad came home and said you'd closed that robbery case on Pine. I hoped maybe I'd helped?"

"You did.” She has to breathe a couple of times to make sure the next part comes out steady. “Maybe not with the case, but you reminded me there are people here who care about me besides Waverly."

Chrissy looks away, but Nicole can see the pleased expression on her face. “I’m pretty sure Wynonna did most of that heavy lifting.”

“Hey,” Nicole leans across the console to rest a hand on her arm. “You helped, Chrissy. I’m really glad we got to be friends.”

Chrissy smiles warmly and nods, “Yeah. Me, too.”

They grin at each other for a moment, and then Chrissy reaches for the door handle. “So are you gonna show me how to climb or what?”

//

She puts her name down to work Christmas, and blinks in confusion when Nedley tells her he’s giving her the day off.

“But—” she tries, and Nedley shakes his head firmly.

“Don’t argue,” he says, fixing her with a look.  

She snaps her mouth shut. Nedley watches her closely for a second, and then he nods. “Good.” She watches him turn back towards his office and then stop, his hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck. “Haught?” He half turns back to her.

“What do you need, sir?”

“Dinner is at one. Don’t be late. Chrissy doesn’t like people to be late.”

Nicole just stares at him for a second, something tightening in her chest. “You want me to come for dinner, sir?” It’s been a long time since she had anything like a family Christmas. Even the year before she’d spent most of the day alone, not wanting to intrude on Waverly and Wynonna’s first Christmas together for years.

Waverly had insisted on making it up to her anyway, when she’d come over later that night.

Nicole pushes the memory away—of Waverly in red lace underwear, grinning at the surprise in Nicole’s eyes as she came closer—in time to see Nedley’s expression soften. “Christmas is a time for family,” he says gruffly. He looks a bit like he’s daring her to argue; she has to work hard to keep her expression neutral. “So we’ll see you there?”

“Yes, sir,” she breathes.

//

She walks to Nedley’s house, her boots crunching through the snow that had fallen overnight, blanketing the ground in a thick layer of white.

She’s twenty minutes early, clutching a $20 bottle of wine she knows Chrissy likes in one hand and a six pack of bottled beer in the other, and she shifts awkwardly while she waits for them to answer the door.

Chrissy grins at her when the door opens, an apron tied round her waist.

“Hey, come in.” She tugs the wine out of her hands, and gestures at the coat hooks on the wall. “I just gotta check on the food.”

She shrugs out of her coat, folding her scarf in half and tucking the top of it into the pocket before she hangs it up.

She hovers in the doorway to the living room, her eyes settling on Nedley, sitting in an armchair, gripping a bottle of beer loosely in his hand. He looks odd out of his uniform, dressed in slacks and a button down shirt, almost the same blue as her own.

The beer he’s drinking is the same as the ones she brought with her, and some of the tightness disappears from her chest.

He smiles when he sees her. “Merry Christmas, Nicole.”

She can count the number of times he’s used her given name on one hand. The last of the tightness in her chest loosens all at once.

There’s another beer waiting on the coffee table in front of him, and he holds it out towards her, waiting until she steps close enough to take it. He raises his own and waits for her to do the same. He clinks them together firmly.

“Merry Christmas, sir,” she says softly.

//

She drives out to the homestead after dinner and lets herself in.

Wynonna grins when she sees her. “The boys just left. There’s leftovers in the kitchen if you want them.”

Nicole shakes her head as she falls onto the couch next to her. “I might never need food again. The Nedleys can eat.”

Wynonna huffs out a laugh, and kicks her feet up onto the coffee table. “That’s the Christmas spirit.”

Neither of them mention the Waverly-sized space between them on the couch when Wynonna flicks through TV channels until she finds a Christmas movie and leaves it on. They watch it in silence, Nicole’s mind drifting to the year before, when the three of them had watched _It’s a Wonderful Life_ pressed together on the couch between Christmas and New Year’s, Waverly half in Nicole’s lap and shushing Wynonna’s muttered comments about the movie.

The credits start to roll before either of them move, and then Wynonna whispers, “Merry Christmas, baby girl,” into the silence, and Nicole has to swallow hard against the lump in her throat.

She hasn’t cried about Waverly in months, the pain fading to a constant dull ache in the background instead of the all consuming fire from when Waverly first left, but it hits her then; that it’s _Christmas_ , and there’s an empty space next to her where the woman she loves should be, pressed into her side, soft and warm the way Waverly always is as she kisses her slowly.

Last year, Waverly had made them all hot cocoa with whipped cream, and Nicole had tasted it on Waverly’s tongue for hours afterwards. She shakes her head to try and loosen the memory, wiping at her eyes.

Wynonna looks away from her, over to the window and the snow that’s falling outside. “I hope she doesn’t miss another one.”

//

They share Wynonna’s bed; Wynonna curled against Nicole’s back, Wynonna’s arms wrapped around her own middle, her knuckles resting against the small of Nicole’s back.

“Merry Christmas, Nicole,” Wynonna mumbles, her face pressed between Nicole’s shoulder blades.

Nicole thinks about Waverly wrapped around her in her bed the year before, and has to swallow three times to clear the tightness in her throat before she can say it back.

//

Nicole always gets traffic duty Sunday nights, sitting on the edge of town watching the road in and out for speeding. She used to hate it, until she figured out no one ever checked on her, and Waverly would sneak along with her on her nights off from Shorty’s.

Now it’s Wynonna holding the speed gun pointed at the road in the passenger seat.

“Wouldn’t you rather be back in town hanging out with Doc or Dolls?” she asks, the third week Wynonna comes with her.

Wynonna makes a face, “And miss out on this charming scenery?”

Nicole rolls her eyes. “Seriously, Wynonna.”

Wynonna glances at her, then looks away. “Can’t have you sitting on the edge of town for four hours on your own.” She smiles that same sad smile she used to give her after Waverly left. “You might forget to come back.”

Nicole feels her expression soften, and from the look on Wynonna’s face she sees it too.

“Let’s not make it into a thing.” Wynonna waves her hand, like she’s trying to push the feelings away. “I’ve just gotten used to having you around, okay?”

Nicole hums in agreement. “Yeah. Me, too.”

Wynonna’s eyes are soft when she smiles at her, and Nicole reaches over to rest her hand on Wynonna’s for a second before the conversation drifts to something else.

//

A week later, there’s another letter waiting for her in her mailbox when she gets home, and she stumbles to a stop in the doorway when she sees the Canadian postmarks on it.

She rips it open, her hands shaking, and tugs the pages out of the envelope.

_Nicole,_

_I guess you saw the postmarks on the envelope. Nothing gets past a cop, right? I almost sent this before I crossed the border, just so you wouldn’t know until I wrote the next part:_

_I’m coming home._

She’s underlined _home_ , and Nicole exhales shakily.

_I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bit scared, but the biggest part of me is excited. Excited I get to see Shorty’s and the station and the homestead and Wynonna. Excited I get to see you. It feels like forever since I was in Purgatory. Did I miss the snow? I really hope I didn’t._

_I wish I knew what you were thinking right now. I wish I could see your face. I wish I knew if you were angry and upset, or if you’re excited too. I wish I knew if you want me to come home. I wish I knew if I was coming home to you or just coming home._

_But I don’t. So I’ve decided to write the things I do know:_

_1\. My name is Waverly EARP. _

She’s underlined her last name as well, and Nicole bites her lip to try and stop herself from smiling.

 _2\. Family doesn’t just mean the people you’re tied to by blood, and my family has a curse to break._  
_3\. I’m sorry I left, but not for needing to. (This one took me a while to figure out.)_  
_4\. I can’t change the things I did or what happened to me, but I can help make them right._  
_5\. I love you, Nicole Haught._

The last one makes her breath catch in her throat.

_It took nearly a whole year to figure all that out. I know it’s a long time, and I don’t expect to come back to the same place I left. I just hope that you’re still there, and you’ll talk to me. I want to see your smile and hear the station gossip and get a drink at Shorty’s after work and help my sister break the curse so my niece can come home. I hope that’s not too much to ask._

_I’m not asking anything of you that you don’t want to give me. I don’t expect anything. I just hope._

_I’ll see you soon. I promise._

_Waverly._

She sags back against the doorframe, her heart thumping wildly in her chest.

Waverly’s coming _home_.

She slams the front door and fumbles with her key in the lock before she takes off running for the station.

//

“Whoa, where’s the fire?” Wynonna says, wide eyed when Nicole bangs through the Black Badge door. She's hardly out of breath, and she offers up a silent prayer to Chrissy Nedley.

“Waverly,” she says, shoving the letter towards Wynonna’s chest. “Waverly’s coming home.”

“What?” Wynonna snatches the letter quickly and starts to read.

Nicole thinks she knows the exact moment she gets to _My name is Waverly EARP_, because her eyes go glassy, and she blinks quickly as her eyes move further down the page.

Nicole just waits, heart fluttering in her chest.

When she’s done, Wynonna slumps back in her chair, all the tension going out of her body. “Where was the letter from?”

“Ontario,” Nicole’s voice is shaky. “No return address.”

“But she’s in Canada,” Wynonna breathes. “She’s coming home.”

Nicole nods, smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. “She’s coming home.”

//

Both of them spend the next week on edge, jumping every time any door in the station opens.

Nicole can’t concentrate on her paperwork, and she files three sloppy reports in a row until Nedley asks if there’s something he should know about.

“No, sir. I’ll redo them,” she says quickly, and he stares at her for a long time before he nods.

“If the Deputy Marshal has you doing something that’s affecting your police work I have a right to know, Haught.”

“He’s not, sir. I promise.” She shifts where she stands, and he frowns at her. “Sorry, sir.” She plants her feet against the ground and forces herself to stand still, the way they’d been taught at the academy.

Nedley sighs when she doesn’t say anything else. “Redo the reports. And relax or something, would you? You’re putting me on edge.”

“Sir.”

//

She spends all her free time with Wynonna, either at Shorty’s or the homestead, because she knows they’re the only places Waverly will go if she doesn’t find them at the station.

Neither of them acknowledge that’s what’s happening, and she sleeps on Wynonna’s couch for so many nights in a row it makes her back stiff, so she has to spend fifteen minutes every morning stretching it out before she can get in the shower.

“How long does it take to travel across the country?” Wynonna grumbles when she’s been there a week and Nicole shrugs, bouncing her leg up and down under the kitchen table.

“It’s nearly been a year, what’s a few more days?” She aims for casual, but Wynonna gives her a look that says she's not buying it.

“You look like you’re about to have an aneurysm, and I don’t think visiting you in the hospital was exactly what Waverly had in mind.”

She huffs out a humorless laugh, and tries to keep her leg still.

//

It takes them another week to defeat Bulshar once and for all, a full year after the Widows raised him.

She tucks Waverly’s last letter inside her vest when they go to fight before she can think too hard about it. It makes her feel safe, somehow. Or maybe just a little less alone.

She thinks about Waverly writing the things she knows, about her writing _I love you, Nicole Haught_ , and grips her gun a little tighter.

It goes better than most of their plans have in the past, which is to say it doesn't go south thirty seconds after they start, and she covers Wynonna with Doc, trying hard to keep up with how fast he gets his shots off.

She shoots a demon over Wynonna’s shoulder before he can, and he grins wildly and tips his hat at her before he spins and fires again.

The letter flutters out of her vest when she’s taking it off at Black Badge after, and Wynonna reaches down to pick it up before she can and stares at it for a long time before she gives it back.

//

That night, Wynonna gets the bottle of whiskey Nicole bought her for her birthday out of the kitchen cabinet and pours three fingers into two glasses, sliding one across the table to Nicole.

It’s smoother than anything Nicole’s drank before, and Wynonna refills the glasses when they’re empty before Nicole can protest.

“This was supposed to be for when Waverly came back,” Nicole mumbles, eyelids heavy, when half the bottle is gone and they’re side by side on the floor, their backs against Wynonna’s bed.

“She’s on her way,” Wynonna waves a hand. “And maybe I want to share it with you first.”

Nicole knocks her glass against Wynonna’s before she downs the last of it, and Wynonna shifts until her head is resting against Nicole’s shoulder.

Nicole wraps an arm around Wynonna’s shoulders slowly, like she thinks Wynonna might pull back. Wynonna leans closer instead, and Nicole says, “It’s Alice’s birthday.”

Wynonna’s silent and she curses herself for bringing it up. She opens her mouth to—

“Doc said he wanted to be alone,” Wynonna mumbles, Nicole’s shoulder muffling the words. Nicole holds herself completely still, afraid to breathe. “But I didn’t want to be.”

“You’re not, Wynonna,” she says, voice low. “ _We’re_ not.”

//

When they get to the station in the morning, Doc is waiting, leaning back against the wall by the door. He and Wynonna stare at each other for a long moment, Doc’s mustache twitching, before he opens his arms and Wynonna falls into the hug.

Nicole catches the sad smile on her face before she buries her face in Doc’s chest, the collar of his coat hiding Wynonna’s face. She looks smaller in Doc’s arms than Nicole thinks she’s ever seen her.

Doc nods at Nicole over Wynonna’s head, mouthing a silent, _thank you_.

Nicole tips her baseball cap to him before she heads inside.

//

A year to the day since Waverly left, she walks back into the Black Badge office, backpack on her back and nerves all over her face.

She looks the same way she did before she left, and Nicole can’t stop the way something in her chest gets lighter at the sight of her.

“Hi,” Waverly says, twisting her hands in front of her. Nicole doesn’t miss the way her eyes flick backwards and forwards between the two of them.

Wynonna’s the first one of them to react. She stands up so hard the chair she's sitting on nearly tips over backwards.

“Baby girl,” Wynonna says, voice hoarse, and then she’s striding across the room to pull her sister into her arms, wrapping her up in a hug so tight it lifts Waverly off of her feet.

Waverly laughs happily, pressing a kiss to Wynonna’s cheek before she buries her head in Wynonna’s shoulder.

After a second, she shifts, her head coming up so Waverly’s eyes meet Nicole’s, and Nicole swallows hard, unable to keep the smile off of her face. She thinks Waverly’s eyes get a little brighter when she notices.

“Waverly,” she says on an exhale, when Waverly and Wynonna finally break apart. It catches in the middle.“I'm really glad you're home.”

She says it before she can stop herself, and she sees some of the nerves disappear from Waverly’s face, her expression replaced by something softer.

Waverly takes a step closer, and the biggest part of Nicole wants to reach for her. “Me, too.”


	2. i'll wait if you wait for me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicole takes a step forward, and then another, and then Waverly is in her arms, her head tucked under Nicole’s chin and her hands pressed tightly to Nicole’s back.
> 
> For the first time since she got off the bus, she feels like she’s actually come home.
> 
> They stay there a long time, clinging to each other in the middle of the street. Nicole’s hand is soft on the back of her head, and her hands press against the rough fabric of Nicole’s jacket trying to pull her closer. 
> 
> Nicole’s the first one to step back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> huge thanks as always to smurf (iamthegaysmurf on tumbr, TheGaySmurf here) and ruth (doctoruth here and on tumblr) for their careful reading, suggestions, screaming, and mistake-spotting. i really couldn't have done it without you.

She can’t keep her eyes off of Nicole.

She can’t believe she’s standing in front of her, looking just as good in her uniform as the first time Waverly saw her at Shorty’s, so close Waverly could reach out and touch her if she wanted to.

She wants to.

Waverly swallows, and watches Nicole wrap her arms around herself.

She wishes they were wrapped around her instead.

“Do— are you—” she exhales noisily, and shakes her head. “Can we go somewhere? And talk?”

Wynonna glances between them, like she knows Waverly isn’t asking her.

“I’m working ‘til late,” Nicole says, looking away. She glances past her to Wynonna. “And you guys should spend some time together. We can—” she waves a hand between herself and Waverly. “Later.”

“Okay,” Waverly whispers, even though it’s not at all.

Nicole jerks her head once like she’s nodding to herself, and then she turns, not looking back as she strides across the room and disappears through the door. Waverly feels an echo of the anxiety that fluttered in her chest when the bus crossed the line back into the Ghost River Triangle, thinking about how Nicole might react when she saw her again.

She thinks the real version might have been worse than what she imagined.

She tries really hard to hold on to the mental image of Nicole smiling at her when she first came in. It feels like a long time ago.

Wynonna’s staring at the door after Nicole when Waverly forces herself to turn back toward her, a frown on her face that disappears when Waverly reaches for her arm.

“Coffee?”

“Oh, baby girl, _no_.” Wynonna throws an arm around her shoulders and gives her a crooked grin. “Whiskey.”

“I missed you,” she says softly.

Wynonna laughs and pulls her closer.

//

When they push through the doors into Shorty’s, Doc actually launches himself over the bar, feet slamming down on the other side before he bounds forward to hug her.

“Waverly Earp,” he says, when her face is pressed against his chest. “Well ain’t you a sight for sore eyes.”

“Hi,” she mumbles, almost lost in his shirt.

He tips his hat to Wynonna when he steps back, and then grins at both of them for a second before he pushes up on his toes to reach for a bottle of whiskey and two glasses from behind the bar.

Wynonna reaches for it eagerly, but he dodges, turning back to Waverly.

“Welcome home,” he says as he presses it into her hands, and Waverly can’t help but grin back.

//

She tells Wynonna about all the places she saw and the things she did, talking for so long her voice gets hoarse and they drink a third of the bottle between them.

Wynonna nods down at her drink when Waverly trails off. “And did it all… help? I know things were rough last year. And if you needed to leave to deal with that, God knows I have no right to tell you you shouldn’t have.”

Waverly snakes her hand across the table to rest on Wynonna’s. After a second, Wynonna flips her hand over to grip Waverly’s fingers. “It took longer than I thought.” She swallows, and then nods. “But, yeah. It helped.”

“Good.” Wynonna uses her other hand to sip the last of the whiskey from her glass. “And you’re not— you’re back to stay, right?”

Wynonna doesn’t look at her when she says it.

“If you and Ni—” Waverly swallows. “If you want me to.”

The smile that appears on Wynonna’s face makes Waverly’s stomach lurch guiltily for ever thinking she wouldn’t.

“Of course I do. I’m so glad you’re home, baby girl.”

Waverly closes the space between them and pulls her into a hug, breathing her sister in. When they separate, she tries to summon the courage to ask what she’s wanted to ever since they sat down. She picks up the whiskey bottle, then puts it down again without refilling their glasses.

“How’s Nicole?” She aims for casual, but her voice catches on her name.

Wynonna shifts in her seat. “You should probably ask her that.”

“R-right. Of course.” Waverly reaches for the whiskey bottle again, but Wynonna’s hand stops her.

“It was rough, for a while. For both of us. But she loves you, Waverly. Never forget that.”

Waverly opens her mouth, but eventually just ends up shutting it when the guilt in her stomach lurches again. “Even after I ran half a world away and didn’t tell her where I was?”

Wynonna just looks at her. “Even after that.”

She nods down at the table. “I missed her so much, Wynonna. But I couldn’t have done it if I kept calling her or texting. I would have come back. And nothing would have changed.” She sighs, frustrated. She doesn’t know how to explain it in a way that doesn’t make it sound selfish.

Wynonna nods, but doesn’t look at her when she says, “I get that.” Waverly remembers counting the number of times Wynonna called home before her 27th birthday on one hand. “But you should explain that to her.”

“ _How_?” Waverly asks, frustrated tears burning at the corners of her eyes.

Wynonna looks at her helplessly for a moment, before she slides an arm around Waverly’s shoulders and pulls her closer, so Waverly can bury her face in Wynonna’s hair.

She’s cried herself out before she realises Wynonna didn’t answer.

//

The homestead looks different, somehow.

She can’t put her finger on it until she’s done an entire lap of the rooms downstairs, and then she asks, “Has Nicole been living with you?” Her voice doesn’t come out the way she intended; high pitched and harsher than she means.

Wynonna blinks in surprise at the sound, and shakes her head. “She stays over sometimes.”

Waverly’s eyes travel from the Purgatory Sheriff’s Department baseball cap up on the coat hooks by the door, to the jacket she knows is Nicole’s hanging off of the back of a kitchen chair. The blanket they always keep over the couch is folded neatly, and she recognizes Nicole there, too.

“Sometimes?” She doesn’t know why she’s annoyed. It’s not like she didn’t think they’d spend time together without her. She asked Nicole to look after Wynonna. Twice. She just wasn’t expecting this.

“Why are you freaking out?” Wynonna’s face is screwed up in confusion.

“I’m not,” she lies. She hitches her backpack a little higher on her shoulder, her hand twisting around the strap.

“Waverly—”

“I’m gonna go unpack my stuff.” Waverly takes the stairs two at a time, dumping her bag on the floor as soon as she gets through the door.

Her hands shake, and it’s only when she looks around that she realises her room is exactly the way she left it a year ago, right down to the t-shirt and pajama pants Nicole left here to sleep in, and the spare uniform hanging up in the closet untouched.

It makes all the irritation seep out of her in an instant, and her knees give out when she gets to her bed, so she falls backwards onto it, so hard she bounces a couple of times against the mattress.

She balls her hands up into fists and presses them into her eyes until she sees stars.

“Wynonna didn’t replace you,” she breathes out. She sucks in another lungful of air.

She tries to believe it.

//

She falls asleep, waking up to the kind of dark they only get out at the homestead, far away from street lights.

She shrugs out of her clothes and only hesitates for a moment before she pulls on the Purgatory Sheriff’s Department t-shirt Nicole had watched her steal from her place over a year ago with soft eyes, and digs through her drawer for some pajama pants.

She goes downstairs to get a glass of water, but she can’t stop her feet from taking her to Wynonna’s bedroom instead. The floorboards creak under her feet, and Wynonna rolls over, towards the sound, blinking blearily.

“Waves?” Her voice is rough with sleep, and Waverly comes closer.

“Can I—? I want—” She shifts nervously, her bare feet cold against the wood.

Wynonna gets it at once, the familiar routine settled in their bones from when they were kids and Willa would torment her, or their parents would argue, or the nights daddy had too much to drink after mama left.

She pulls back the covers and Waverly slides in.

Wynonna shifts over to make room, lying on her back and wrapping an arm around Waverly’s shoulders to pull her closer. Waverly buries her head in Wynonna’s hair and slides her arm around her waist, the way she did when she was a kid trying to escape the things happening in the rest of the house.

“Okay?” Wynonna asks the way she always did.

“Okay,” Waverly promises.

“Okay.” Wynonna presses a kiss to her cheek before her breathing evens out again.

//

When she wakes up in the morning, Nicole’s hat and jacket are gone, and she sinks down into the couch, tugging the blanket Nicole had folded so neatly around herself.

It smells like vanilla, like Nicole, and she bites at her lip as hard as she can to try and keep the tears away.

//

There’s nothing but beer in the fridge, and she makes Wynonna give her money for groceries after she asks what on earth she’s been eating for the last year.

“Takeout,” Wynonna says with a shrug. “Or whatever Nicole brings over.”

Waverly shifts uncomfortably when she takes the money.

“Did any of that involve vegetables?” She asks, to cover it.

Wynonna shrugs. “Some.”

“You’re going to die before you’re 40,” Waverly says flatly. She turns to go, then pauses when she remembers something. “I bought a new phone in the city before I got on the bus. I put the number in yours. Just in case.”

Wynonna thumbs through her phone to check, then nods. “See you later.”

//

She swears they switched half the aisles in the grocery store. The place where she’s expecting to find the spices now houses nothing but canned fruit, and she sighs and turns her cart around to go back in the other direction.

She’s trying to peer round the corner and figure out where she is, so she doesn’t see Chrissy Nedley coming the other way until she almost pushes her cart right into her. “Oh my God, Chrissy, I’m so sorry!”

“Waverly!” Chrissy dodges the cart and pulls her into a quick hug that's over almost as soon as it starts. “Nicole said you were back.”

“I— she did?” Waverly blinks. Nicole said she was working late, and they’d have time to talk later. But she already spoke to Chrissy.

“Yeah. Yesterday, right? How are you?” Chrissy smiles brightly, and Waverly isn't sure if she's imagining that it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

“I’m good. Glad to be home, y’know.” Waverly licks at her lips. “I missed this place. Purgatory, I mean.”

“Well I’m sure it’s the same as it ever was,” Chrissy laughs. “I gotta run, but we should get together soon? You can tell me all about your adventures.”

“Sure,” Waverly tries, and watches Chrissy walk away, something in her stomach rolling uncomfortably, twisting tighter and tighter.

She stares down into her cart and crumples the list in her hand, shoving it into her pocket before stepping away.

She couldn’t find the things she wanted anyway.

//

She types out the message and deletes it three times.

The fourth time, she stares down at _is Nicole dating Chrissy Nedley?_ in the new conversation thread to Wynonna for five minutes before she taps on the delete key until it’s gone, telling herself she’s being ridiculous.

She exhales noisily and tosses the phone into her Jeep’s passenger seat, letting her head fall back against the headrest.

//

It takes her a week to work up the courage, and she knows she shouldn’t just show up, but she goes to the station anyway.

She ignores the Black Badge office and heads for the bullpen before she can change her mind, eyes sliding over to Nicole’s desk immediately, and finding the familiar nameplate there but no Nicole.

She feels some of the tension go out of her body, replaced with disappointment.

She’s turning to go when she hears a door open and a gruff voice says, “Waverly Earp.”

She spins around, to find Nedley staring impassively back at her. She smiles politely. “Hi, Sheriff.”

He nods at her, but his expression doesn’t change, and the smile falls off her face. “Looking for someone?”

“I was just wondering if Nicole was—”

“She’s on patrol.” His voice is flat, and she only just stops herself from taking a step back.

“Right, of course. I’ll try again later.” She turns to leave, but his voice stops her.

“Waverly.”

She turns around slowly. His expression almost exactly mirrors the one Chrissy was wearing at the store, and it makes the bottom fall out of her stomach.

“Haught has a job to do, and if you think you’re just going to come back in here and—and— _distract_ my best deputy, well. You’re not.” He folds his arms across his chest, fixing her with the same look he did when she and Chrissy were seventeen and broke into his liquor cabinet.

It’s scarier now, somehow.

“I just wanted to talk to her.” Her voice sounds tiny in the space between them. She fights the urge to shift her weight awkwardly, and straightens up under his gaze.

He looks at her for a long time, and then he reaches up to scratch the back of his neck. “She gets off at three. You can come back then.”

Waverly nods, tries to put a smile on her face. She’s not quite sure she manages it. “Thank you, Sheriff.”

“There’s one more thing,” he says gruffly, coughing into his hand. “I may not know what happened between the two of you, and that’s none of my business, but I do know how she was when you left.” He fixes her with the look again. “Don’t do that to her again, Waverly.”

She swallows, feeling the weight of his gaze settle into her. “I won’t, sir,” she promises.

He searches her eyes, and then nods, satisfied. “You’re a good kid. Don’t forget, now.” He turns to go back into his office, then calls over his shoulder. “And welcome home.”

//

Jeremy pulls her into the Black Badge office with a grin, talking excitedly about how much he missed her, and how research has been a lot lonelier with her gone.

“I missed you, too,” she says, putting a hand on his arm to get him to stop, and he ducks his head and nods.

Dolls comes out of the back office to see what the commotion is about, and his expression stays the same for about ten seconds, before he actually grins at her, and she’s so surprised her mouth falls open.

She doesn’t think she’s ever seen him do that before.

“Hey, Earp,” he crosses the room in three quick strides and pulls her into a hug, and she’s so shocked, she fumbles to hug him back before he steps away.

//

She makes an excuse to leave half an hour before Nicole's shift is due to end, and she goes down the road to the diner to get two coffees, because she can't just show up empty handed after a year.

She drums her fingers on the counter while she waits for her order, trying not to replay the images that had been running through her mind while she'd laid awake in Wynonna’s bed, struggling to find sleep.

Nicole walking away from her, refusing to listen. Nicole crying and telling her to leave her alone.

Nicole rushing forward to cup her face in her hands and kiss her hard.

Her cheeks burn when the server drops the cups in front of her, and she mumbles a thank you before she heads for the door.

//

She carries the drinks back to the station, waiting on the street outside the main door, steam rising from the cups.

She sips at hers nervously, checking the time on her watch.

Most of her coffee is gone by the time Nicole comes out. The collar of her duty jacket is pulled up around her ears against the cold, and Waverly can’t stop herself from staring. One side of Nicole’s hair is tucked into it, and she wants to pull it free.

“Hi,” she says softly, when Nicole stops in surprise.

The corner of Nicole’s mouth curls up for just a second, the hint of a dimple appearing in her cheek. “Waverly.” The way she sighs out her name makes something glow warm in Waverly’s chest.

The image of Nicole kissing her flutters through her mind again.

“I guessed you still drink cappuccinos,” Waverly says, after a second, when the silence stretches. She holds it out, and Nicole’s fingers brush hers when she takes it. Waverly shivers in a way that has nothing to do with the cold in the air.

“I do,” Nicole sips it, her eyes closing briefly at the taste. “Thanks.”

Nicole looks at her, and all the words she practised on the long way back to Purgatory fade out of her mind.

“I  missed you,” she stutters out, before she can stop herself. “ And I’m sorry, I—” she shakes her head, biting the words off. “I’m _sorry_.”

“For leaving, but not for needing to,” Nicole says slowly, and Waverly recognizes the words she’d written a month ago, crossing back into Canada. “I got your letter. Letters. And the postcards.”

There's hurt written all over Nicole’s face, and she takes a step back, exhaling shakily. “I’m sorry, I—”

“I don’t need apologies, Waverly,” Nicole cuts her off, her jaw tight. “I know you're sorry. And I understand why you left. Mostly.” Nicole takes a long drink from her cup, not looking at her.

“Then what do you need?” Waverly whispers, dreading the answer. She holds her breath.

Nicole looks helpless for a second, her eyes sliding back to fix on Waverly’s face. Her hand twitches like she's about to reach for Waverly, and then she shoves it in her pocket instead. “I think I just need time.”

Waverly nods down at the ground, wondering how this went wrong so fast. The image she had of Nicole kissing her flickers and dies in her head.

“Whatever you need,” she says, voice quiet.

When she looks back up, Nicole’s staring at her, her eyes glassy, and panic bubbles up in Waverly’s throat. “Nicole, I—” She wants to apologise. Again. But Nicole told her not to and she shakes her head, taking a step back. “I’ll give you some space.”

Everything in her is screaming at her not to walk away again, but she pushes it all down, and takes one unsteady step.

She only manages another three before Nicole calls after her, “Waverly.”

She turns around slowly. Nicole’s biting her lip, looking like she’s fighting with herself over what she’s about to say. “I missed you, too.”

Waverly swallows against the lump in her throat, and her lips quirk up into a ghost of a smile before she can stop them.

Nicole takes a step forward, and then another, and then Waverly is in her arms, her head tucked under Nicole’s chin and her hands pressed tightly to Nicole’s back.

For the first time since she got off the bus, she feels like she’s actually come home.

They stay there a long time, clinging to each other in the middle of the street. Nicole’s hand is soft on the back of her head, and her hands press against the rough fabric of Nicole’s jacket trying to pull her closer.

Nicole’s the first one to step back.

//

Wynonna finds her back at the homestead, sitting with her head in her hands at the kitchen table.

“Baby girl,” Wynonna sighs out, and drags a chair over to sit in front of her, so close their legs bump.

“I think I fucked everything up,” Waverly’s voice breaks on the words, and Wynonna’s hands go to her knees, rubbing circles against her jeans.

“Then let’s fix it,” she thinks she hears Wynonna say, and she pitches forward into her arms as the first sob escapes her throat.

//

It takes her another week to work up the courage to ask Wynonna about the demon Clootie. She can't meet Wynonna’s eyes when she says, “Are you still fighting him?”

Wynonna reaches for her hand and shakes her head. “We got him, baby girl. And there’s just a few revenants left until this is all over,” she says, and Waverly feels the biggest part of the guilt she's been carrying around with her for a year drift away.

//

She mopes around the homestead for a month.

She barely gets out of bed; alternates between sleeping and staring at the blank conversation thread on her phone with Nicole’s name at the top, until Wynonna comes to stand in the bedroom doorway, her arms folded across her chest.

“I’m gonna get a pizza,” she says softly. “Want some?”

Waverly nods into her pillow, and hears Wynonna’s boots all the way down the stairs.

//

She answers the door to what she thinks is the pizza delivery guy and instead finds Nicole, pizza box balanced on one hand and a six pack of bottled beer in the other.

Her hand goes up to the messy bun on top of her head immediately, her other one trying to smooth down the wrinkled t-shirt she’s wearing.

“Um,” Nicole says, her eyes flick down to the pizza box and back to Waverly. “Pizza?”

“Okay,” Waverly breathes.

Nicole takes a step closer and then huffs out a laugh when Waverly doesn’t move. “Are you gonna let me in, or?”

Waverly flushes and steps backwards, nearly tripping over her own feet. She holds the door open for Nicole and then trails after her to the kitchen, where Wynonna is already tugging two bottles of beer out of the cardboard and twisting the caps off.

“You want one?” she asks, as Nicole gets plates out of the cabinet with a casualness that proves she’s done it many times before.

Waverly nods as she watches them; Wynonna uncapping a third bottle and mumbling something to Nicole she doesn’t catch. It makes Nicole’s eyes dart over to Waverly for a second before she lifts the lid on the pizza box and steps back so Wynonna can dive in.

Nicole glances at Waverly when Wynonna’s claimed three slices, and then pushes the box closer to her without saying anything. Waverly’s hand almost shakes as she pulls a couple of slices onto her plate, and when she looks up, Nicole is taking a long pull from her bottle of beer, watching her.

“Thanks,” Waverly says, nudging the box back towards her.

The corner of Nicole’s mouth quirks up into half a smile, just for a second, before she reaches for the pizza.

//

The pizza’s good, and the conversation stays light, like Nicole and Waverly aren’t sitting at opposite ends of the couch with a couple of feet of space between them.

Wynonna asks Nicole how a case is going, and Nicole groans and starts a long story about three different people giving her the runaround when she was trying to follow up on a lead. Waverly tries to follow along, but it feels like coming into a movie halfway through, and she grips her beer hard, picking at the label on the bottle.

Nicole pauses, rubbing a hand through her hair as she glances at Waverly. “Sorry, you probably have no idea what I’m talking about,” she says, setting her beer down on the coffee table.

Waverly forces herself to laugh, but it doesn’t come out the way she wants it to, too pinched at the end. Out of the corner of her eye she thinks she sees Wynonna wince. “Don’t worry about me.”

She reaches a hand out to brush Nicole’s sleeve before she can stop herself, and Nicole’s eyes go down to it immediately. Waverly draws her hand back quickly.

The silence stretches, and then Wynonna says, “Tell her about Pete’s black eye from Mrs. McCauley,” her voice soft in the silence.

Nicole laughs, a real, genuine laugh, and launches into the story. Her eyes stay on Waverly’s face the whole time she’s telling it, until Waverly’s smiling back, warmth spreading through her chest.

Nicole shifts on the couch, and it brings her closer, closing some of the space between them.

//

Nicole nurses one beer for a couple of hours and then she shifts awkwardly and says, “Well, I should get going. I'm on the early shift tomorrow.”

She stands quickly, patting down her pockets like she’s checking she has everything before taking a step towards the door.

Wynonna nods from where she's curled up in the chair finishing her third beer. “Thanks for the pizza delivery.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Waverly says, standing as well. She doesn't just mean for the pizza.

Nicole looks at her for a long moment before she nods. “Okay, well— see you at the station?”

Waverly follows her to the door, out of Wynonna’s line of sight, and Nicole pauses with her hand on the door handle.

“Nicole,” she tries, and she sees Nicole’s shoulders drop as she breathes out, like she's let go of some of the tension that's been there all night.

She half turns round, her hand still on the door handle.

“Did— did something happen to your nose?” Waverly doesn’t mean to say it, but it’s been bothering her all night, whenever she worked up the courage to look directly at Nicole, and it’s easier to ask than the other thing she wants to.

Nicole stares at her for a moment, and then one corner of her mouth quirks up. “I broke it. Wynonna said you’d notice.”

“ _Broke_ it? What happened?”

Nicole shrugs, her eyes going down to the floor. She shifts her feet. “Demons, Cults, you know.”

Something in Waverly’s chest tightens. “Bulshar?” her voice breaks in the middle. She hadn’t even been here and Nicole got hurt again.

“It healed, Waverly,” Nicole says quickly, like she knows what Waverly’s thinking.

“But—”

Nicole turns quickly, one hand coming up to brush Waverly’s cheekbone. She presses a brief kiss to the side of Waverly’s head.

Waverly tries to lean into it, but Nicole pulls back quickly.

“Goodnight, Waves.”

And then she's gone, the door banging closed behind her.

She can still feel the warmth of Nicole’s fingers against her cheek, and she swallows hard against the lump in her throat before she goes back to Wynonna.

//

She doesn’t see Nicole for two weeks.

She doesn’t see her at the station, and she doesn’t see her around town, and when she asks Wynonna about it, she looks shifty and says she thinks Nicole’s just been busy with cop stuff.

Waverly looks at her for a long moment. Wynonna’s hand twists around the handle of Peacemaker in the holster at her waist.

“You don’t want to tell me where she is,” Waverly says slowly, and actually sees Wynonna swallow.

“I don’t want to be in the middle,” Wynonna says quickly, and Waverly nods down at the ground. “Nicole’s my friend, Waverly—”

“I’m your _sister_.” She still feels a ghost of the doubt she'd carried around with her last year when she says it.

Wynonna just looks at her. “Please don’t ask me to—”

“Yeah,” Waverly interjects, voice hard. “Sure.”

“Waverly—”

“It’s fine,” she says, even though it’s not, and pushes past her towards the door.

//

She’s on her way to Black Badge three days later when she sees Nicole again.

She’s sipping a coffee from the diner when she glances up and sees Nicole across the road, running with Chrissy and laughing at something she’s saying. She looks better than someone working out has any right to, and Waverly comes to a stop, watching them do the same across the road.

They slow down in front of the hardware store, Chrissy jogging on the spot while Nicole says something to the boy cleaning the window out front. Waverly doesn’t recognize him, feeling like she’s missed a step going down the stairs at the realisation she’s been gone from her hometown so long there are people living in it she doesn’t know any more.

Chrissy’s eyes meet Waverly’s over Nicole’s shoulder, and Waverly flushes, raising her hand in a half-hearted wave.

Chrissy says something to Nicole, and then she turns around as well, so fast Chrissy has to step backwards to get out of the way. Chrissy shoves Nicole in retaliation, but Nicole looks like she doesn’t even notice.

Waverly’s hand is still hanging in the air, so she waves again awkwardly, biting at her lip.

She doesn’t think Nicole is going to wave back, and then her hand comes up to mirror the gesture. It goes on too long, both of them standing there staring and waving their hands uselessly, until Chrissy gives Nicole a shove again and starts to jog back the way they came.

Nicole doesn’t follow straight away, her hand falling down to her side. She shifts on her feet a little, like maybe she’s thinking about crossing the street, before Chrissy shouts her name over her shoulder, and she finally looks away.

//

She’s been back in Purgatory for nearly three months when Wynonna announces they’re all going to Shorty’s for welcome back drinks.

“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?” she says, because it’s better than saying she doesn’t want to go, and Wynonna shakes her head.

“An Earp comes back to Purgatory, we drink. I don’t make the rules, kid.”

Waverly sighs and looks up from the book she’s reading. “We already did that, the day I came back to town.”

“We did,” Wynonna waves a finger between them for emphasis. “They didn’t.” She gestures over at the back office, where Jeremy is waving his hands animatedly as he explains something to Dolls. “It’s a family affair.”

“Oh.” Waverly looks back down at her book; she turns a couple of pages, even though she’s not really reading anything it says. “Who else will be there?” She’s trying to be casual, but when she looks up she knows Wynonna knows who she’s really asking about.

“She said if you wanted her to come she would,” Wynonna says softly.

Waverly stares back down at her book. She doesn’t trust her voice, so she nods instead.

//

She tries three different outfits on before Wynonna rolls her eyes at her and drags her out of her room so they can leave.

Shorty’s is pretty full when they get there; Doc, Dolls, and Jeremy waiting for them at a table in the back.

Her shoulders drop when she doesn’t see Nicole, but she smiles and accepts the beer Jeremy pushes towards her, swallowing more of it than she means to and slamming it down on the table so hard some of it nearly spills over the side of the glass.

Wynonna watches her carefully, and then she puts a hand on her shoulder and nods towards the bar, and when Waverly looks, Nicole is there, holding a bottle of beer and laughing at something one of the deputies she’s standing with is saying, Chrissy by her side.

Chrissy puts her hand on Nicole’s arm to get her attention, and Waverly looks away.

“Officer Haught is getting shots,” Jeremy says, with a wide grin when he realises the rhyme, and something lurches hopefully in Waverly’s chest.

Doc and Dolls pick up the thread of the conversation, but Waverly doesn’t hear a word they’re saying, watching Nicole across the bar. She’s got a tray of shots in her hand, picking her way through the crowd as she moves towards them. She nods at a couple of people when they call out to her, polite and professional, and then she’s at the table, sliding the tray down carefully.

“Excellent choice,” Wynonna says through a grin as she sniffs a shot and realises it’s whiskey, and then pushes another one towards Waverly. “Now you’re officially home, baby girl.”

Waverly catches Nicole’s eye, and doesn’t know how to tell Wynonna that it still doesn’t feel like she is.

//

She drinks too much too quickly, trying to kill the nerves that flutter in her chest every time she looks at Nicole. She’s getting better at following the conversation between the others, but mostly she’s just hyper aware of Nicole standing at her side, close enough that she could take a half-step to her right and they’d be touching.

Waverly wishes she could lean into her side.

The alcohol is making her resolve crumble, and it’s only the way that Nicole looks at her with the ghost of the hurt that lurked in her eyes when Waverly first got to town that keeps it intact.

She tries to ignore how it’s getting less and less obvious every time she sees Nicole, and tells herself the warm feeling in her chest is from the whiskey.

//

Doc and Dolls go to play pool and Wynonna goes with them to heckle them every time they miss a shot, Jeremy following along behind, his eyes fixed on Doc.

It leaves her alone with Nicole, and she fiddles with her nearly empty glass while she searches for something to say.

“How’s work?” is what eventually comes out, and she clenches her jaw at the fact that it was the only thing she could think to say.

“Okay,” Nicole says, “good, I think.” She trails off, and then glances back up. “How are you?”

Nicole always had a way of looking at her that felt like she was really seeing her, and Waverly feels it now. It tugs at her, and she wants to tell her that she hates this, and that all she wants to do is go back in time to how things used to be between them before she turned them into this.

She hesitates for half a second. “Honestly?”

Nicole nods, and Waverly loses her nerve. She waves a hand towards the empty glasses on the table and tries to smile. “I think I’m a little drunk.”

Nicole huffs out a laugh. “You Earps and your whiskey.”

“Seems like you got used to it, too,” Waverly says, before she can stop herself.

“Wynonna’s a bad influence,” Nicole says, with a roll of her eyes, but there’s something vulnerable in it, so Waverly moves closer before she can stop herself, one finger brushing at the cuff of Nicole’s shirt by her wrist

Nicole shifts her weight, moving closer, and Waverly thinks it means she can keep touching her.

“Thanks for looking after her.” Waverly’s finger moves a little higher, sliding towards her elbow. Nicole shivers under her touch, but she doesn’t pull away.

“I think she mostly looked after me.” Nicole’s voice is so quiet she almost doesn’t hear it, and she has to lean in, until all she can see is Nicole’s eyes, soft as they meet hers.

Nicole blinks, and Waverly thinks she can count her eyelashes. Nicole’s eyes dart down to her lips and back up again, and Waverly swallows hard.

Someone shouts something next to them, and Waverly startles, stumbling a little. Nicole’s hand goes around her back to settle on her hip to steady her and Waverly meets her eyes again.

“Do you want to get out—” she starts to say, at the same time Nicole says, “I’m gonna get another drink.”

And then Nicole steps away and disappears, her hand falling away.

Waverly watches her go, her hip burning where Nicole touched her.

//

“Where’s Nicole?” Wynonna asks, later, when she comes over to set her empty glass down on the table.

Waverly shrugs, her vision blurring from the tears she’s been fighting for the last two drinks.

“I—I have to go to the bathroom,” she says, and pushes past her, ignoring Wynonna calling her name after her.

//

She hides in a stall for what is probably too long, but Wynonna doesn’t come looking for her.

She wasn’t expecting this to all magically work itself out, but she wasn’t expecting it to be this hard either; wasn’t expecting Nicole to look at her like she wants her and wants to get away from her all at the same time.

She wipes at her eyes and blows her nose, and takes a deep breath before she pushes her way out of the stall.

Chrissy is washing her hands at the only sink, and their eyes meet in the mirror before Chrissy turns around with a sigh.

“I didn’t let her leave,” she says, and she takes a paper towel and runs the tap over it, squeezing the water out. “For your eyes,” she says, when she holds it out, and Waverly’s hand shakes when she takes it.

“You two are friends now.” It comes out like a question, her voice catching on ‘friends,’ and Chrissy nods. Something in Waverly’s stomach twists tightly.

“I’m still yours too, you know.”

She remembers Chrissy being the one she’d cried to when her first time with Champ was nothing like she’d imagined; how she’d come and sat by her at school when they were both kids and Wynonna had been sent to the hospital, the only person who had, and glared at anyone who whispered about Waverly and her messed up family in the halls.

She turns to go, and Waverly reaches out a hand to stop her blindly, finding her arm and holding on. “I love her so much, Chrissy,” is the only thing she says, and then she’s crying again.

Chrissy wraps her arms around her tightly, murmuring comforting sounds against her ear. It helps, even though it shouldn’t—because she’s not sure anything can—and she hangs on like it’s the only thing grounding her.

When she finally lets Chrissy step back, Chrissy brings her hand up to thumb away some of the tears on Waverly’s cheek. “She knows you do, babe.” She moves her hand over to wipe at the other cheek. “And you know she loves you too, right?”

Waverly just looks at her and Chrissy sighs. “Waves,” she hands her another paper towel, “you’re the smartest person I know, you can’t possibly be that dumb.”

Waverly blows her nose, and the corner of her mouth quirks up. “You think I’m smart?”

Chrissy laughs. “Why did you think I always copied your homework?”

Waverly frowns. “Because I let you.”

Chrissy grins, and straightens Waverly’s shirt for her. “Well, maybe that was part of it, too. Ready to go back in?”

Waverly looks at her reflection, and except for the hint of redness under her eyes, she looks the way she did when she first got to Shorty’s a few hours ago. She nods. “Thanks, Chrissy.”

Chrissy slides an arm around her shoulders and guides her to the door. “Any time, Waves.”

//

Nicole is talking to Wynonna when she comes back in. She doesn’t miss the way Wynonna reaches out to grip Nicole’s elbow when Waverly comes towards them, and Waverly wonders if she’s trying to stop Nicole from running away.

“Nicole’s leaving, but she didn’t want to go without saying goodbye first.” Wynonna says the last part pointedly, and Nicole looks like she wants to hit her. Wynonna just glares back.

“I think I might, too,” Waverly says, and they both turn to look at her.

“Waverly—” Wynonna tries, but Waverly cuts her off.

“It’s fine. You stay and have fun. I’m just gonna crash at BBD. You’ll find somewhere to sleep, right?”

Wynonna’s eyes slide sideways, and Waverly sees Doc over her shoulder. “If you’re sure,” she says.

Nicole looks backwards and forwards between them, and she opens and closes her mouth three times before she says, “I can walk you, if you want?”

“No, it’s okay, you don’t have—”

“Waverly.” Her mouth snaps shut, and Nicole takes a step closer. “I’m going that way, so.”

“Okay,” Waverly nods, and presses a quick kiss to Wynonna’s cheek.

She turns to go without waiting to see if Nicole is following her, but Nicole is taller than her and her legs are longer, and she gets to the door before Waverly does and pulls it open for her, gesturing for her to go through.

//

They walk in silence, the only sound Nicole’s boots hitting the pavement as they head for the station.

She doesn’t know why Nicole offered to walk with her if she was going to ignore her, and she’s had just enough alcohol for the frustration she feels to show on her face.

“I’m sorry if I ruined your night,” Nicole says softly beside her, and Waverly startles, coming to a stop.

“You didn’t,” she says immediately, because it’s the truth. She’s pretty sure she did that herself.

Nicole keeps walking, and she turns her head to look at her and realises she isn’t there. She turns around slowly, her hands held up in front of her. “You left your own welcome home party early. And I think— well, I probably didn’t help.” Her hands drop, and after a second she shoves them into her pockets.

“No, it’s not that.” Waverly huffs out a sigh, and folds her arms over her chest. “Well. Maybe it sort of is. But it’s not anything you did, it’s just,” she waves a hand between them, “ _this_.”

“I know,” Nicole says quietly, eyes on the pavement. “It’s kind of the worst.”

Waverly laughs, and Nicole looks up at her quickly, a crooked smile on her face.

“Want to just skip to the makeup sex this time, too?” It’s the whiskey that makes her say it, and she wishes she hadn’t when the smile falls off Nicole’s face.

“Waverly,” she says on an exhale.

“I know, I know,” Waverly waves her hands and turns away, so Nicole won’t see the flush on her cheeks.

After a second, Nicole speaks behind her. “Sometimes, I look at you, and I don’t remember why I’m not kissing you. I don’t remember why I don’t just pull you into my arms, or hold your hand, or—”

She thinks she hears Nicole swallow, and turns back around, something low in her stomach twisting. The streetlight they’re standing under glints off of Nicole’s hair, and Waverly wants to run her hands through it.

“Then why don’t you.” Waverly’s tongue darts out to lick at her lips when Nicole looks at her. “Kiss me, I mean.”

“Because other times all I remember is that you left.”

It makes the knot in Waverly’s stomach clench uncomfortably tight, and she just manages to say, “Oh,” in this tiny, disappointed voice.

“And I get why you did,” Nicole goes on, taking half a step closer. “I get it.” She takes another step.

Waverly doesn’t move.

“But I spent an entire year waiting for you to come back.” Nicole’s still coming closer. “Even though it felt like treading water.” She takes another step. “Even though I knew it was pathetic.” Nicole breathes out this self-deprecating laugh. “Even though I knew you might never come back.” She’s so close now, Waverly could touch her. “Because I love you.”

Nicole’s breathing hard, her chest rising and falling, and Waverly closes the space between them.

She kisses Nicole hard, her hand coming up to tangle in the soft hairs at the back of her neck. Nicole’s hands find her hips and pull her closer, until she’s leaning into Nicole, pushing up on her tiptoes as Nicole kisses her back.

All she can think is she missed this; missed the taste of Nicole, even if it is mostly hidden under the beer and whiskey they’ve both been drinking tonight. Nicole’s tongue brushes against hers and she can’t stop the groan that escapes her; can’t stop herself from reaching her other hand up to hook her fingers around Nicole’s jaw and pull her closer.

Nicole’s arm tightens around the small of her back, and then Nicole jerks backwards, breaking the kiss.

She steps back, and Waverly feels the space between them like a void.

“Waverly, we shouldn’t—”

“I know,” she cuts her off, not wanting to hear Nicole tell her exactly what they shouldn’t do.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she wonders if Nicole wants to do any of this anymore.

“I’m sorry,” Nicole whispers. Her hand moves towards Waverly’s wrist and then stops, dropping back down to her side.

“I know,” Waverly says again, even though she’s not sure she does. “It’s okay,” she lies.

“Waverly,” Nicole tries.

Waverly wraps her arms around herself and takes a step back. “Goodnight, Nicole.”

She walks away before she can change her mind.

//

She stumbles the rest of the way to the station alone; kicks her boots off and settles down on the camp bed that’s been in the store room since a few months before she left town.

It smells like Wynonna’s perfume and whiskey, and she buries her face in the pillow.

She can’t sleep, and she rolls over onto one side and then the other, trying not to think about the kiss and the look on Nicole’s face when she told her she loved her.

She stares at the empty message thread to Nicole on her phone for hours, tapping out a few different messages before deleting them again.

It’s 4am before she works up the courage to hit send.

 **Waverly [4:01]:** i didn’t mean to upset you or push too soon too fast. i’m sorry for kissing you. (that’s not an apology for leaving so i think it’s allowed.) if you want to talk, i’ll be here.

She’s re-reading the message for the third time when she sees that Nicole has read it, and she nearly drops her phone. She watches the symbol that shows Nicole is typing appear on her screen and wonders if she’s been lying awake as well.

 **Nicole [4:06]:** I always want to talk to you. That’s sort of the problem. All I wanted for a year was to talk to you. And now I don’t know how.

Waverly doesn’t care that Nicole will know she’s still got the message open and has read it. She just stares at the words, her fingers shaking around her phone.

When she glances up at the clock on the top of the screen, more time has passed than she realises, and Nicole is probably asleep, but she sends the message back anyway.

 **Waverly [4:42]:** i’ll still be here when you remember how

She’s about to put her phone down when Nicole starts typing again. She brings it back up to eye level, waiting for the words to appear.

 **Nicole [4:43]:** Promise?

Waverly swallows hard, and doesn’t even think before she sends back a _yes_.

//

For the next week, she only sees Nicole around the station, between shifts or ducking into the bullpen after she’s been on patrol.

She sees flashes of red hair out of the corners of her eyes, but when she blinks, Nicole is gone.

She’s not sure if Nicole is avoiding her on purpose, and the uncertainty twists in the pit of her stomach every time she forces herself not to follow.

//

Wynonna drops a kiss to the top of Waverly’s head when she comes home, her hand pressing against her shoulder for a second as she goes past.

“What was that for?” Waverly asks, though she thinks she knows; she hasn’t seen Nicole, and Wynonna has been conspicuously absent, too.

“Like I need a reason to kiss my baby sister?” Wynonna doesn’t quite meet her eyes when she says it.

Waverly sighs, twisting the tips of her fingers around each other. “You spoke to Nicole.”

It’s not a question, so Wynonna doesn’t answer, just disappears into the kitchen and comes back with a beer in her hand.

“She wants to talk to _you_ ,” Wynonna says quickly. “She’s just trying to figure it out.”

“Do you think she’ll figure it out soon.” Waverly asks, her voice tiny in the space between them.

Wynonna reaches for her hand and grips it tightly. “She’s scared you’re gonna leave again, baby girl.” Wynonna meets her eyes for a second and then looks away. “She’s maybe not the only one.”

“Hey.” Waverly reaches up to turn Wynonna’s face back towards her. Wynonna smiles sadly, in a way that doesn’t reach her eyes. “I won’t,” Waverly promises, her fingers still on Wynonna’s cheek. “Everything I need now is right here, okay?”

She thought Wynonna knew, and she wonders if she needs to tell Nicole that, too.

Wynonna’s eyes are glassy, but she nods, reaching up to press her hand against the one Waverly has on her face.

“I love you,” Waverly says, unsure, suddenly, if Wynonna knows that, too.

Wynonna sighs out a breath and pulls her into a hug. “I love you, too.”

She says it softly, somewhere near Waverly’s ear. Waverly hears it.

//

She hasn’t had a nightmare for months, but she dreams Mikshun is back in control of her and she’s watching helpless as Nicole’s heart breaks over and over again.

It’s some combination of the way Mikshun had taunted Nicole in the barn and thrown her across the space until her head slammed into the crate of metal junk Mikshun had been collecting, and Waverly telling Nicole she was leaving the year before and Nicole realizing she wasn’t taking her with her, and she wakes up sweaty and screaming, Wynonna’s feet slamming up the stairs to come and see if she’s okay.

Peacemaker is in her hand, and when she realizes Waverly’s alone, she crosses the room to drop down next to the bed, the gun falling to the floor with a clatter.

“Nightmare,” Waverly manages to say, and Wynonna searches her eyes as she rubs a comforting hand up and down Waverly’s arm.

“I got you, baby girl.” She nudges Waverly over towards the wall until she can climb in next to her, looping an arm around her until Waverly rolls onto her side and cuddles into her.

Her heart beats out a shaky rhythm against her ribs, and she wonders if Wynonna can feel it.

“I got you,” Wynonna murmurs again, and Waverly nods against Wynonna’s shoulder, trying to get her breathing back under control.

//

Nicole’s birthday is a week away, and she stares at the cards in the store blindly, trying to push down the wave of anxiety she feels in her chest. Her eyes keep skipping back to the ones covered in hearts with the word girlfriend on them, before she forces them away.

She stands there for twenty minutes, pulling cards off the stand before shoving them back in when they’re not right. She wraps her arms around her middle, hugging herself tightly as she bites at her lip.

She doesn’t think they make a card for _happy birthday, I’m sorry I broke your heart and I hope you’ll let me help you mend it_.

She pushes the thought away and turns, pushing at the door angrily, so that it slams against the wall.

“Waverly!”

“Sorry, Mr. Johnson,” Waverly says automatically, with a ghost of her old Shorty’s smile.

He narrows his eyes at her, and she makes a show of opening the door more carefully before she steps through it.

//

She sends Nicole a text message as soon as she wakes, before she can second guess herself.

 **Waverly [7:02]:** happy birthday!! i hope you have a great day :)

Her phone buzzes before she can put it back on her nightstand, and she unlocks it with shaking fingers.

 **Nicole [7:03]:** Thank you.

Waverly feels something in her chest deflate as she stares at the message. She taps her thumb against the screen to keep it from locking, like the longer she stares at it she might find some hidden meaning lurking between the words. Her eyes widen in surprise when another message appears a few minutes later.

 **Nicole [7:08]:** I’m already at work (happy birthday, me). Will I see you at the station later?

It’s a second before she can make her thumbs move, and she taps against the screen quickly.

 **Waverly [7:09]:** sure, i’ll see you there

//

She doesn’t want to show up empty handed, so she brings Nicole a cappuccino, and takes a steadying breath before she pushes through the bullpen door.

Someone’s tied a rainbow-colored paper chain to the front of Nicole’s desk, and she’s sitting behind it, hunched over a report, pen held tight in her hand.

Nicole always used to look up at the sound of the door opening and see Waverly coming, and Waverly pushes the thought away as she crosses the space to Nicole’s desk in quick strides before she loses her nerve.

“Happy birthday!” she says brightly, setting the drink down on the edge of Nicole’s desk. “I thought you deserved your favorite coffee, instead of drinking that sludge from the break room.”

Nicole looks up quickly, smile tugging at the corner of her mouth for a second before it disappears. Her eyes are still a little guarded, but there’s warmth there too, and Waverly clings on to it.

“Waverly.” The way Nicole says her name makes her want to shiver, but she forces herself to smile instead. “Thank you for the coffee.”

“Any time,” Waverly says, just to fill the silence, and watches the smile creep back on to Nicole’s face.

//

She’s been back just over five months when she decides she’s tired of feeling useless and digs the research she did in the libraries she stopped off at out of her backpack.

She feels better immediately when she shuffles through it, her eyes skimming over the names of people she suspects might be revenants she found in the archive in New York.

Jeremy’s eyes light up when she explains what it is, and he starts babbling about some algorithm he’s been working on that will automatically add keywords to anything they scan into the database he’s been building so they can search for things more easily.

She lets him talk for ten minutes, and then she puts her hand on his to stop him. “Did I ever tell you I missed you?” she says around a smile, and he grins back as he starts to sift through the papers.

//

She’s meeting Jeremy at the station a week later when she glances towards the bullpen door, more out of habit than anything else. It opens, and she catches a glimpse of red hair.

Waverly comes to a stop, and when she looks, she sees Nicole standing behind the front counter, her palms pressed flat to the top with her head bowed. Wynonna’s opposite her, her hands over Nicole’s as she leans in close and says something to her Waverly can’t hear. Nicole glances up at Wynonna, and Waverly sees how pale her face is and feels something turn over in her stomach.

They disappear as the door starts to close, and Waverly wants to step closer, her mind screaming at her to find out if Nicole is okay.

The biggest part of her wants to know if she’s the reason Nicole looks so upset.

“Hey, Waves. I got through the first batch and the keywords are being generated. Want to test it out?” Jeremy looks at her expectantly from where he’s leaning around the Black Badge door. “Waverly?”

“Yeah,” she says softly, her eyes still on the door to the bullpen. “I’m coming.”

//

She goes to get them lunch from the diner, and when she comes back with it, she goes to the break room to get forks and finds Nicole staring at the microwave door. It isn’t on but she can smell whatever Nicole was heating up, and Waverly remembers the look on Nicole’s face earlier.

She takes a step closer but Nicole doesn’t move.

“Nicole?” She reaches for her arm, but doesn’t make it before Nicole startles at the sound of her name, spinning around jerkily, eyes wide.

“It’s just me.” Waverly holds her hands up and Nicole visibly relaxes.

“Hi,” she says, and pushes the button to open the microwave door. Waverly watches her pull a Hot Pocket out and stare down at it like she isn’t seeing it.

Nicole’s nose wrinkles, and she slides it along the counter towards the trash can at the end.

“Nicole, are you okay?” She can’t stop herself from asking, and Nicole starts to nod before she stops, her jaw visibly tightening.

“I got called out to a—” her voice trails off and she blinks a couple of times. “Joey Stevenson died this morning.”

Joey Stevenson is five years old.

“Was it a— a Black Badge case?”

Nicole shakes her head. “No,” she says, and her voice cracks in the middle. Waverly reaches for her hands before she can stop herself, smoothing her fingers over the backs of them. After a second, Nicole flips one hand over to tangle their fingers together.

The familiar warmth of Nicole’s hand in hers sinks into Waverly’s bones.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Waverly asks softly.

Nicole acts like she hasn’t heard her, her eyes fixed on some point over Waverly’s shoulder, but after a second she starts to speak. “I guess Joey’s dad didn’t close the door all the way, and Joey followed him outside. When Craig got in the truck, Joey was so small he couldn’t see him in the mirror, and he backed up and—”

Nicole cuts off, and Waverly squeezes their hands tighter together, using the one that isn’t joined to Nicole’s to rub against Nicole’s knuckles.

“Oh, honey,” Waverly breathes.

Nicole sighs, but even that sounds shaky. “I was the first one there, and he was just lying there— Craig wouldn’t let him go.” Her eyes finally focus and meet Waverly’s. “It wasn’t a Black Badge case, Waverly,” she says desperately. “It wasn’t a demon. It was just an awful accident.”

Waverly knows what she means. “Demons are easier,” she whispers and watches Nicole nod.

“Craig just looked _broken_. I can’t imagine what he’s going through.”

Waverly reaches to tuck a strand of Nicole’s hair behind her ear, brushing her cheek. Nicole tilts her head into the contact, hardly at all, but enough for Waverly to feel it. She keeps her hand there. “You’re a good cop, Nicole. I bet you did everything you could to help him.”

“I tried,” Nicole breathes, her voice cracking. Waverly hears her swallow.

“I know.” She smooths her thumb against Nicole’s cheek and then drops her hand, not wanting to push harder than she should.

Their hands are still joined, and after a second Nicole’s eyes flick down to them. The tip of Waverly’s index finger brushes against Nicole’s as she pulls back, and Nicole’s finger twitches like she wants to reach for her again.

“I need to check in with the morgue,” Nicole says eventually. She stares at Waverly for a long moment, and her eyes have lost a little of the haunted look they wore before. It’s been replaced with something close to the warmth Waverly is used to seeing there. “Thank you for listening.”

“Nicole,” Waverly calls after, when she turns to go. “You know I always will.”

The corner of Nicole’s mouth quirks up into half a smile, just for a second, before she ducks through the door.

//

Her phone buzzes against her nightstand when she’s back at the homestead, and she reaches for it without looking, expecting it to be Wynonna asking what she wants her to pick up for dinner.

She sees Nicole’s name on her lockscreen and types in her password quickly.

 **Nicole [18:08]:** Hey. I just want to say thanks again for earlier. It really helped.

 **Waverly [18:10]:** you’re welcome. i’m sorry you had to go through that today. if you ever want to talk about it, i’ll always listen.

 **Nicole [18:11]:** I really appreciate it.

She’s trying to think of something to say when the icon that shows Nicole is typing appears again. It disappears and then reappears three times before the message comes through, and it makes nerves flutter in Waverly’s chest.

 **Nicole [18:14]:** I’m on the day shift again tomorrow. I’ll see you at the station?

Waverly’s thumbs shake against the screen as she taps out her response.

 **Waverly [18:15]:** i’d like that. see you then :)

 **Nicole [18:16]:** See you tomorrow.

Waverly stares at the message for a long time before she locks the screen.

//

For the next couple of weeks, Nicole says _hey_ whenever they see each other, asking how her day is going.

Waverly always wants to tell her it's going better for seeing her, but never quite manages to get the words out.

There’s warmth in Nicole’s eyes like she hasn’t seen in over a year, and when Waverly sees her in the break room, Nicole reaches for another cup and pours her a coffee without asking, their fingers brushing when Nicole hands over the cup.

It's still awkward between them, but it loosens something that's been wound tight in Waverly’s stomach since she got back to Purgatory when Nicole comes for a drink with them at Shorty’s after her shift, laughing along with something Wynonna is saying to Dolls as she sips at her beer.

They’re crowded around a table, their elbows bumping together when they both reach for their drinks at the same time.

“Sorry,” Nicole laughs, gesturing at Waverly’s drink with her hand. “After you.”

“No, you go first,” Waverly stutters, and tries to ignore the way Wynonna watches them with a soft expression on her face from across the table.

//

A week later, she’s looking for Wynonna, and she finds her in the bullpen, her feet up on Nicole’s desk as she chews a donut noisily. Nicole doesn’t look like she cares about Wynonna’s feet on her desk; she’s laughing at something Wynonna said when Waverly comes in.

Waverly blinks at them when they turn to look at her. They don’t say anything, but after a second, Nicole shoves Wynonna’s feet down off her desk with her elbow and Wynonna glares at her.

“Doc thinks he knows where Silas is holed up,” Waverly says, remembering why she came looking for her sister.

Wynonna swallows the donut and reaches down for Peacemaker, standing and heading for the door.

“Revenant?” Nicole asks immediately, her eyes sliding between them.

Wynonna pauses and nods, her hand on the door handle. “Yeah. Come on.” She doesn’t wait to see if Nicole follows.

“That’s okay, right?” Nicole asks, but Waverly has no idea why. “I helped out with that stuff while you were gone.” Her hand moves down to settle on her utility belt, next to the buckle. Waverly’s eyes flick down to it and back up.

“Sure,” she says, and follows Nicole out the door.

//

Silas throws a knife at her, and Nicole slams into her, knocking her back out of the way.

She feels the breeze when the knife flies past her face.

One of Nicole’s hands goes down to Waverly’s hip and stays there as Nicole uses her arm to push Waverly behind her, putting her body between her and the revenant. Waverly feels warmth curl in her chest.

Dolls growls and fires a couple of shots at Silas, distracting him long enough for Doc and Wynonna to come up behind him, Peacemaker glowing orange.

Nicole looks like she doesn’t even notice. She’s breathing hard when she turns to face her, standing too close as her eyes scan Waverly’s face. One hand comes up to settle on Waverly’s cheek, then drops down to brush at her shoulder as Nicole’s cheeks flush.

“You’re okay.”

It’s not a question but Waverly answers it anyway, “Yeah.”

Nicole’s hand lingers on her shoulder. “Okay.”

//

She’s reading one of the books she found on a list in the British Library and managed to convince Mrs. Baldwin to order for her on an inter-library loan, when her phone buzzes against the desk.

 **Nicole [12:19]:** hey did you eat yet?? the diner gave me an extra order by mistake and i wondered if you wanted it??

She frowns at the screen, wondering why Nicole didn’t come to ask in person. She’d seen her in the break room earlier, and Nicole had smiled at her as she asked what she was working on and then listened to Waverly give an overly long explanation about the new books she’d found in London.

They’d been there so long, Nicole had drank most of her coffee before Waverly had finished.

She thinks about Nicole’s soft smile while she listened to her talk, and tucks her phone into her pocket before pushing back from the table.

Chrissy is coming out of the bullpen when she gets out into the hallway, and her face lights up when she sees her. “Waverly! I think Nicole is looking for you.”

“Yeah, she just texted,” Waverly says, looking down at the bag Chrissy is carrying. It’s got the diner logo on the side.

“Cool,” Chrissy says. “She’s in there.” She holds the door open.

“Thanks,” Waverly says as she goes through it, and Chrissy’s grin somehow manages to get even wider.

Nicole looks up as soon as she comes through the door, leaning back in her chair as she watches Waverly come towards her. She looks nervous, and Waverly feels an answering flutter of nerves in her chest.

“Hey,” she says, gesturing down at the food on Nicole’s desk, the boxes still closed up. “Thanks for thinking of me.”

“No problem.” Nicole licks at her lips and then leans back to pull a chair over from the desk next to hers. “Do you wanna sit?”

She’d thought Nicole might give her the food and then make some excuse to leave, and she sits down quickly, before Nicole can change her mind. She shuffles the chair a little closer to Nicole’s desk.

“Um,” Nicole says, popping the lids on both the boxes. “Which one do you want?”

Waverly frowns. “Which one did you order?”

“I—” Nicole blinks down at the boxes for a second and then her mouth snaps shut. She blurts out, “Chrissy brings me lunch sometimes and never asks what I want, so I don’t know what’s in them.”

Nicole looks like she’s bracing herself for Waverly to react badly, but she thinks about Chrissy in the hallway and works it out.

“Chrissy ordered extra for me,” she says slowly.

Nicole nods, jerking her head once. “Yes.”

“Chrissy is trying to set us up on a lunch date.”

“It’s possible,” Nicole agrees.

Waverly sits back in her chair. Nicole’s eyes don’t leave her face.

“Is this a date?” Waverly asks, eventually, when the silence has stretched too far.

Nicole looks away, and Waverly thinks she has her answer. She swallows against the lump in her throat and moves to stand, but Nicole’s hand reaches over to catch on to her sleeve, stopping her.

“Waverly, I’d really like to have lunch with you. If you want to.”

Her voice is soft and hesitant, and it makes the sting of rejection fade. Waverly nods slowly, sinking back down into the seat. “Okay,” she breathes.

Nicole’s hand is still on her wrist, and she doesn’t let go until Waverly reaches for one of the boxes and a fork.

//

Nicole asks how her reading is going, and Waverly tells her about all the new information she’s discovered about Wyatt that has started to fill in some of the gaps she never could before.

Nicole listens with her whole body, interrupting with questions every now and then like she’s really interested, and Waverly remembers why she fell in love with her. She missed this more than she’d ever admit; the way Nicole really sees her, really hears her, and always wants to know more.

Their food is long finished, and Nicole keeps glancing at the clock on the wall over Waverly’s head but she doesn’t leave, and she remembers Nedley telling her not to distract his best deputy and feels a stab of guilt in her chest.

“Do you need to get back to work?” Waverly asks, when she’s sure Nicole’s pushed way past what counts as an acceptable lunch break.

Nicole’s eyes slide over to look at the paperwork on her desk. “I do have some reports to write.”

“I should get back to my books,” Waverly says, pushing the chair back so she can stand. “Thanks for lunch. Or, well, tell Chrissy thanks from me.”

“Hey, Waves?” Nicole bites at her lip. “Do you want to read in here? You could show me that newspaper clipping you were telling me about…”

“Yeah?” she feels the smile at the corners of her mouth.

Nicole nods back, her expression soft. “Unless a call comes in, I’m gonna be at my desk for a while. It’d be nice to have some company.”

Waverly goes to get her books, and when she comes back, Nicole has cleared the corner of her desk so Waverly has somewhere to set them down.

“Is this okay?” Nicole asks, her hand hovering near the books, and Waverly nods.

She only hesitates for a second before she reaches for Nicole’s hand with her own. Her index finger brushes against Nicole’s thumb. “More than okay.”

Nicole ducks her head, but she doesn’t let go.

//

Wynonna looks up from the magazine she’s flicking through when Waverly goes back to the Black Badge office later, to drop her books off before she goes home. Wynonna squints at her, and then she rocks forward in her seat. “I recognize that face,” she says, light and teasing.

“You do not,” Waverly huffs. She drops the books on the desk with a little more force than she means.

“That dopey grin only appears on your face around Officer Haughtstuff out there,” she jerks her thumb towards the door. “The googly eyes are gonna show up next.”

“ _Wynonna_ ,” she hisses. “It’s not that easy.”

“Okay, okay.” Wynonna waves her hands in front of her and then pushes up out of her seat. She crosses the room and reaches for her arm. “I’m just saying you look happier, baby girl. It looks good on you.”

Waverly shrugs, tiny, like it’s no big deal. “I had lunch with Nicole.” She tries to ignore the way Wynonna’s face immediately lights up. “She’s gonna give me a ride home.”

“It's about damn time.” Wynonna slides her arm around Waverly’s shoulders and pulls her into a tight hug.

Waverly hides her grin in Wynonna’s hair.

//

Nicole’s leaning back against the wall of the station, one foot kicked up against the bricks as she waits for her. Waverly feels her mouth go dry.

She looks casual in a way she hasn’t since Waverly got back; completely relaxed as she drags a hand through her hair absentmindedly. She looks so good it almost isn’t fair, and Waverly’s hands itch with the need to reach for her. She wraps her arms around her middle and hugs herself instead.

Nicole smiles at her before she kicks off of the wall. “Ready to go?”

Waverly nods, not trusting herself to speak, and Nicole opens the passenger door of her cruiser for her so she can get in.

//

They ride in comfortable silence until they get to the edge of town, and then Nicole’s phone starts ringing in her pocket. It stops and then starts again, and Nicole reaches for it, keeping one hand on the wheel and her eyes on the road. “Do you think maybe you could answer it?” She holds it out without looking at her.

The screen says _Nedley Jr._ and she wants to laugh, but.

“Hey, Chrissy.”

There’s a pause and then Chrissy says, “ _Oh_.” She sounds surprised, but something about her voice makes Waverly think she might be smiling. “Waverly.”

“Did you need Nicole? She’s driving.”

They get to a stop light, and Nicole catches her eye to mouth _what’s up?_ before she has to pull off again. Waverly shrugs at her.

“No,” Chrissy says slowly, dragging the word out. “It’s fine, I just wanted to, um, ask— Just tell her I’ll text her later?”

“Sure.” She glances sideways at Nicole, but she’s not looking at her, and she half turns in her seat, angling her body towards the door. “Hey, Chrissy?” She lowers her voice. “Thank you.”

This time, she’s sure she can hear Chrissy’s smile in her voice when she says, “You’re welcome.”

“Okay, bye,” Waverly says louder.

Nicole takes her phone back without looking at her, but Waverly can see the lopsided smile at the corner of her mouth.

//

Nicole eases to a stop and puts the car in park when they get to the homestead, but neither of them move when the engine turns off.

“I had a good time today,” Nicole says after a second, more to the steering wheel than to her. “I missed hanging out with you.”

“Yeah, me too,” Waverly says softly.

Nicole’s eyes are warm when she looks at her, and Waverly wants to lean across the console and kiss her; wants to pull Nicole against her and kiss her until they're both dizzy and Nicole comes inside with her, but she doesn't want to ruin this fragile thing they’ve finally found between them.

Not when it’s still so new. Nicole asked for time, and she knows she has to wait.

“Thanks for the ride,” she forces herself to say instead. “I’ll see you at the station tomorrow?” She reaches for the door handle.

“Yeah, see you tomorrow.”

Waverly thinks it sounds like a promise.

//

Nicole texts her every day for the next couple of weeks, until it turns into a slowly drawn out conversation about nothing at all.

It reminds her of before she left, when they’d find pointless little things to chat about or just send each other heart emoji and _I’m thinking about you_ messages, just because.

Nicole doesn’t send those messages now, but the same meaning lurks in the way she texts her back even when she hasn’t got anything important to say, and when she always texts her to say good morning and goodnight, swapping them around when she’s on a week of night shifts, so Waverly gets a _good morning_ when she’s going to sleep and a _goodnight_ waiting for her when she wakes up.

They help her settle back into a rhythm she’s missed since she got back to town, until she’s reaching for her phone automatically every time she wants to share some tiny part of her day with Nicole.

It’s easy and light, and a little bit flirty, sometimes, when Waverly forgets she's not supposed to.

She thinks Nicole is starting to forget, too, when she sends her a picture of herself wrapped up in three blankets in bed, her eyes soft in the lamp light, her hair still damp and tousled from the shower.  

She’s wearing an oversized Sheriff’s Department hoodie, the hood half pulled up around her head so it covers her ears, and her face is scrunched up in a pout.

The caption says, _I think I finally understand the bonus blanket thing_ , and Waverly bites her lip, trying not to think about Nicole joking that she was Waverly’s bonus blanket months ago, before she left town.

She runs a hand through her hair to smooth it out, and snaps a quick selfie of herself wrapped in the blanket they keep over the back of the couch to send back.

//

Wynonna kicks through Waverly’s bedroom door before dawn, and Waverly’s first thought as she startles awake is _we must be under attack_.

She smells smoke, and when she pushes herself up, heart pounding, she sees her sister grinning at her as she shoves a birthday cake closer, what looks like around twenty candles crammed haphazardly on top of it.

“Happy birthday, baby girl,” Wynonna says happily.

Waverly looks behind Wynonna, to where Doc is standing respectfully in the doorway with his hat pressed to his chest. “Many happy returns, Waverly,” he says softly, the twitch of his mustache giving away the smile that hides behind it.

“I have cake,” Wynonna says, swaying a little as she comes closer. Her hair swings dangerously close to the flames on the candles and Waverly reaches out a hand to push it back.

Waverly narrows her eyes. “Are you drunk? Have you been to bed yet?”

“It’s your birthday,” Wynonna says, like that explains it. “Blow out your candles, please.”

Waverly’s disapproval melts under Wynonna’s soft smile, and she leans forward and blows, until all the candles have gone out.

“Happy birthday,” Wynonna says again, softer this time. She slides the cake onto the nightstand and then steps closer to the bed so she can pull Waverly into her arms, so quickly it catches Waverly off guard. After a second, Wynonna leans into her, so Waverly falls back into the bed, Wynonna climbing in after her clumsily.

“Happy birthday,” Wynonna mumbles against Waverly’s shoulder. “I’m really glad you’re here this year.”  

Waverly pushes Wynonna’s hair away from her face so she’s sure Wynonna will hear her when she says, “Me too.”

//

There’s a cupcake and a still-warm hazelnut mocha next to her pile of books at the BBD office when she gets there later, and warmth floods her chest when she sees the Post-It note carefully stuck to the desk, the top smoothed flat against the wood.

 _Happy birthday, Waves._ _  
_ _—Nicole_

//

She’s given up looking for Nicole. She thinks she must have been on a night shift and left the cake and coffee before she left to go home to bed, so Waverly doesn’t look up when the BBD door opens, assuming it’s Wynonna back from wherever it is she goes when they’re not actively fighting revenants.

“Hey,” a soft voice says, and Waverly startles, her hand slipping off the book she was propping open so she could copy a symbol into her notes.

Nicole smiles apologetically, one hand coming up to rub at the back of her neck. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to make you jump.” She takes a couple of steps closer, her hands held out in front of her like she thinks it’ll keep Waverly where she is. “I just wanted to say happy birthday. I’ve been out working a case for most of the day and I didn’t want to miss you…”

Waverly tries to squash down the hope that rises in her at the sight of Nicole’s smile. “Thank you for the cake and the coffee.”

Nicole takes another step closer and Waverly thinks her smile turns softer. “You’re welcome.” Nicole shifts on her feet. “How was the cake?”

“Oh!” Waverly pushes a stack of books out of the way pulls the cupcake out, still in the box Nicole had left it in. “I didn’t eat it yet. Would you—” she only hesitates for a second, “Do you want to split it?”

Nicole nods quickly, taking a step closer to the chair next to Waverly’s. “That would be nice.” Her voice is so quiet Waverly has to lean forward to hear it, and her eyes meet Nicole’s for a long second before she forces herself to look away, and pulls the chair closer to try and cover it.

“Sit down?” Waverly can’t keep it from coming out like a question.

Nicole settles into the chair and watches her pull the cake into two pieces in silence, her fingers brushing Waverly’s when she takes her half from her. Waverly moves her hand down to grip the arm of her chair, just to keep them from chasing the warmth of Nicole’s fingers when Nicole pulls back.

“Happy birthday, Waverly Earp,” Nicole says solemnly, holding the cake up like she’s toasting.

Waverly can’t keep herself from grinning back at her, and Nicole’s serious expression only holds for a second before the corner of her mouth quirks up into a smile, dimple appearing in her cheek.

Waverly thinks it’s the best birthday present she’s ever had.

//

She sees Chrissy and Nicole out running when she's going to Shorty’s early one morning to help Doc with some paperwork he needs to fill in for his licence.

“Hey,” Chrissy calls as they jog across the street towards her, but Waverly only has eyes for Nicole, and the way the tank top she's wearing under her hoodie clings to her skin.

Nicole raises her hand to wave as she goes past, not looking where she's going as her head turns to catch Waverly’s eye.

Waverly’s about to tell her to look out, because she's heading straight for the bench by the bus stop, but Chrissy pulls her sideways quickly, rolling her eyes.

Waverly can't stop herself from grinning at the embarrassed look on Nicole’s face as she stumbles, her cheeks flushing.

“Easy, Haughtshot,” she thinks she hears Chrissy say, and then Nicole is jogging backwards, a crooked smile on her face as she shrugs theatrically at Waverly.

“Smooth,” Waverly shouts after her, and she thinks she hears Nicole laugh as she turns to follow Chrissy.

//

Her phone buzzes in her pocket twenty minutes later.

 **Nicole [7:45]:** That was… embarrassing. Can we just pretend you didn’t nearly see me run into a bench because a pretty girl smiled at me?

Waverly grins down at the message. She bites her lip for a second before her thumbs tap against the screen.

 **Waverly [7:46]:** no idea what youre talking about. signed, the pretty girl.

She slips her phone back into her pocket; pulls it back out when it buzzes less than thirty seconds later.

 **Nicole [7:46]:** Now the pretty girl’s mocking me. This is an awesome day.

Waverly laughs as warmth spreads through her chest.

 **Waverly [7:48]:** well this pretty girl likes cute flustered redheads who nearly run into benches

This time the phone buzzes before she can put it back in her pocket.

 **Nicole [7:48]:** This is an _awesome_ day.

//

She thinks Nicole’s been avoiding the homestead since she bought the pizza over when Waverly first got back to town, but she brings food over a couple of days later for Wynonna’s birthday, rolling her eyes at the way Wynonna pumps her fist when she sees the takeout boxes.

Nicole hands Waverly her favourite pasta from the diner, and meets Waverly’s smile with one of her own, her cheeks dimpling.

“I miss you bringing me food,” Wynonna says, around a mouthful of her steak sandwich, and Nicole’s eyes dart sideways to Waverly guiltily.

“Sorry,” Nicole says automatically, then the corner of her mouth turns up. “I forgot you can’t cook anything that doesn’t come out of a packet or get reheated in a microwave.”

“It’s not like you made this. You bought it from the diner,” Wynonna says, trying to kick Nicole under the table.

Nicole pushes her chair back to get out of the way. “What about that time I made you lasagna? And tacos. And chicken noodles, and that beef casserole, and—”

“Whatever, I didn’t like them anyway.” Wynonna waves her hand dismissively.

“You cook like a college freshman,” Nicole says again, rocking the chair back on two legs when Wynonna kicks for her again. “Back me up, Waves,” Nicole laughs.

A flush of happiness spreads through Waverly’s chest as she watches them, and she shakes her head. “You started this. You can finish it.”

Nicole gasps. “Waverly Earp, you _traitor_.”

And then Wynonna kicks at the chair while Nicole is looking at Waverly, and Nicole nearly falls off of it, catching herself at the last minute. She glares at Wynonna so hard that Waverly can’t help the laugh that bubbles up in her throat.

It’s maybe the first time that she’s really laughed in the whole seven months since she got back to Purgatory, and then Wynonna tosses a fry at her across the table and Nicole is pouting, and for the first time since she stepped off the bus, she’s really glad she came home.

//

She’s helping Jeremy trawl through the database for the identity of a revenant Wynonna lost track of three days before, trading texts with Nicole as she waits for each search to complete. Jeremy keeps glancing at her every time she picks up her phone, but he doesn’t say anything, just hides his smirk as he looks down at his keyboard and searches for another string of text.

“What?” she says, the fourth time he does it. Her cheeks feel warm, and she hopes she isn’t blushing.

“You and Officer Haught,” he says around a grin, “ _texting_.” The way he says it makes her blush harder.

“We’re just talking.” She puts her phone down on the desk. It immediately buzzes against the wood when Nicole replies to her last message.

She keeps her eyes fixed on his face, purposefully not reading the preview on her lockscreen.

Jeremy gives her a look. “Flirty talking?”

“ _Jeremy_.”

“That’s not a no,” he singsongs, and laughs when she glares at him.

The search she’d been running ends, and she flicks through the results, ignoring him.

“She’s happy, you know,” he says, like there hasn’t been a pause in the conversation. “She wasn’t when you left. Wynonna held her together, just about. But there were some days when I just couldn’t feel her at all.” His eyes widen, and then he stutters. “You know, like when a person isn’t really listening to you? They’re there but they’re not. Like that.”

Some of the happy glow she’s felt for the last couple of weeks fades. “I did that to her,” it hitches up at the end, almost like it’s a question.

“Yeah,” Jeremy says, frowning. “But you’re missing the point. The point is, she’s happy now. Like lately. Since you got back to town and starting exchanging flirty text messages.”

She wants to believe him, but she doesn’t understand how he can sound so sure.

“She’s happy, Waves.” Jeremy smiles at her warmly. “And you can be, too.”

//

She used to celebrate Thanksgiving with Gus and Curtis after Wynonna left, but this is the first year Wynonna insists they’re having turkey and going the whole nine yards. There’s no sign of turkey or mashed potatoes in the house, but Wynonna drops a bag of vegetables on the kitchen counter with a proud grin.

“Don’t say I never get you anything.”

“I don’t think it counts as a gift when I have to cook them,” Waverly says, pulling a squash out of the way so she can see what else Wynonna bought.

“Dinner’s at 4,” Wynonna says, ignoring her. “You can get that ready, right?”

“And what are you doing, exactly?” Waverly asks, folding her arms across her chest.

“Project Management,” Wynonna says loftily, waving her phone around. “Don’t worry, I’ve got it under control.”

//

Dolls brings the turkey, Jeremy brings the mashed potatoes, and Doc arrives with three bottles of top-shelf whiskey shortly after them, tipping his hat to Waverly before he kisses Wynonna and presses a bottle into her hands.

Wynonna has laid out every plate, knife, fork and glass they own on the table, and Waverly counts the place settings as she slides the dishes of vegetables between the gravy and mashed potatoes.

“Are we expecting someone else or was the math too hard again?” She calls in the direction of the living room, where Wynonna and the boys are attempting to finish off the first bottle of Doc’s whiskey.

She hears the front door open and close, and the sound of booted feet coming closer, before Nicole leans around the door, still in her uniform.

“Wynonna can count to six, I think. She can almost do it on one hand.”

Waverly laughs, and comes around the table to stand in front of her. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

“I’ve been chasing calls all day. I didn’t have time to text.” Nicole pulls a flat white box out from behind her back. “I did have time to get the pie though. Maple pecan, like Wynonna asked for.”

It’s Waverly’s favorite, and Wynonna asking Nicole to get it makes something soft and warm flutter in her chest.

“Thank you.” Waverly takes the box from her, their fingers brushing for a second too long before Nicole lets go.

//

Wynonna and the boys drift back into the living room when they’re finished eating, their laughter carrying back to where Nicole and Waverly are still sitting at the dining room table.

“When I was with Gus and Curtis we always had to go around the table and say what we were thankful for,” Waverly says eventually, when the silence has started to stretch.

Nicole looks at her, gaze steady for a moment. When Waverly doesn’t say anything else, she says, “I’m thankful you’re home.”

Waverly slowly reaches across the table to grip her hand. Nicole doesn’t pull away. She slides her fingers into the gaps between Waverly’s and uses her fingertips to rub against Waverly’s knuckles.

“I’m thankful you’re here,” Waverly says, feeling Nicole’s hand tighten in hers.

They stay there for long moments, eventually letting go when they hear footsteps in the doorway and Wynonna appears, half-empty bottle of whiskey dangling from her hand.

“Come on kids, we’re playing poker. Doc’s dealing.”

“That sounds like a terrible idea,” Nicole says, but she stands to follow Wynonna back to the living room, so Waverly does too.

“It’s okay, it’s not strip poker,” Wynonna flashes Nicole a grin, “so you don’t have to worry about losing your shirt literally.”

//

A couple of weeks later, Nicole comes to BBD after she gets a call over the wire about a body, and Wynonna is out of her seat and halfway to the door before Nicole can finish asking for help.

Waverly’s eyes fix on Nicole. “You think BBD need to get involved?”

Nicole shrugs. “Maybe. Figure it can’t hurt to have Peacemaker along for the ride.”

Wynonna grins, and squeezes Waverly’s arm as she strides towards the door. “We’ll be back soon.”

Nicole hesitates for a second, an unreadable expression on her face.

“Be careful,” Waverly says, eventually. She darts forward to press a kiss to Nicole’s cheek, half changing her mind at the last minute, so she ends up bumping her cheek against Nicole’s more than anything else.

Nicole just nods. “Always am,” she says, before she turns to follow Wynonna out of the door.

//

Waverly takes one look at them when they get back, and crosses the room in five quick strides, pushing past Wynonna to throw her arms around Nicole’s neck.

“Oh sure,” Waverly hears Wynonna grumble behind her. “I’m fine, don’t worry.”

Nicole presses her face into Waverly’s hair, her arms looping around Waverly’s waist, and Waverly can feel the way Nicole’s hands are still trembling, then feels them press harder against her hips, like that might hide it.

She pulls back so she can look at Nicole, using a finger to tilt her chin up and then nudge her face left and right, examining her carefully. Her hair is dishevelled, and there’s the suggestion of a bruise starting to bloom around her eye socket, like she’s been punched.

“I’m okay, Waverly,” Nicole says.

She threads her fingers through Nicole’s hair at the base of her skull, and watches her wince. Waverly’s eyes narrow.

“Three revs,” Wynonna says. “Nicole kept one of them busy for me, even though there was no way for her to win.” Wynonna looks like she’s trying to roll her eyes, but she doesn’t quite make it. Nicole looks away.

“I’m okay,” Nicole says again, to no one in particular.

“It’s good her skull is so thick she doesn’t feel it when it gets slammed into walls,” Wynonna says, but her voice catches in the middle of the sentence, and Waverly tenses in Nicole’s arms, her hands dropping away from her hair.

“You need to go to the hospital, you might have a concussion,” Waverly says immediately, and feels a wave of irritation go through her when Nicole shakes her head.

“I’m fine.”

Waverly takes a step away from her, and Nicole’s hands grasp at air for a second before she sways on her feet. Waverly folds her arms across her chest. “Really, Nicole?”

“We called dispatch on the way back. Nedley came on the radio and told her to go the hospital and then go home.” Nicole glares at Wynonna for giving her away, and Wynonna glares back, hand clenched around the handle of Peacemaker where it’s holstered at her waist.

“I don’t need to go to the hospital,” Nicole says. Her eyes slide to Waverly and her voice softens. “But I will go home and rest.”

Waverly nods sharply. “Then let’s go.”

Nicole swallows. “Okay.”

//

It’s the first time Waverly has been in Nicole’s apartment since she’s been back in Purgatory, and she hovers in the doorway for a second, before she sets her jaw and marches inside.

“Go and get changed out of your uniform,” she says, as she heads for the kitchen. Nicole goes without a word, and Waverly wonders if it’s because she doesn’t dare argue or because she hasn’t got the energy left for another fight.

She pulls a glass out of the cupboard and fills it with water and then finds Advil in a kitchen drawer, before she counts fifty long beats, hoping it’s enough time for Nicole to get out of her uniform and into something more comfortable.

Nicole is just tugging a white t-shirt over her head when Waverly steps into her bedroom, and she swallows hard as she looks away from the smooth skin of Nicole’s back and the way the muscles in her shoulders flex as she pulls the t-shirt down.

Nicole takes the pills and water from her without a word, and Waverly goes back the way she came, leaving Nicole to take them.

Waverly pulls the old comforter and a couple of spare pillows out of the closet where Nicole keeps them and throws them over the couch. She turns when she hears Nicole shuffle barefooted out of the hallway that leads to the bedroom and bathroom, and shifts on her feet, suddenly awkward about what should happen next.

She wishes she could tuck Nicole into her bed and climb in next to her, wrapping herself around her and being there to get her anything she needs. She pushes the thought away.

“You need to rest.”

“Thanks for… this.” Nicole sinks down onto the couch, tugging the comforter around her.

“You have everything you need?” Waverly shifts on her feet again, wrapping her arms around her middle.

Nicole shakes her head, and holds out a hand. Waverly thinks she sees her swallow, and wonders if she’s nervous. “Come sit with me?”

She only hesitates for a second before threading her fingers through Nicole’s and letting herself be pulled down onto the couch. Nicole shifts until Waverly is settled at her side, her arm wrapped around Waverly’s back, Waverly’s head resting on her shoulder. The comforter is thrown over both their legs, so it hides when Waverly slides her hand down to rest on Nicole’s knee. Nicole shifts her leg a little closer in response.

She hasn’t been this close to Nicole in almost two years, and she breathes in the scent of her, wishing it wasn’t happening just because Nicole was injured. She strokes her hand against Nicole’s thigh under the blanket and hears Nicole sigh contentedly.

“You scared me today,” Waverly mumbles, after a few more seconds of silence.

Nicole nods against her head. “I know.”

Waverly huffs out something that isn’t quite a laugh and pushes at her arm, trying to pull away. Nicole doesn’t let her. “Well as long as you _know_.”

Nicole huffs out a laugh. “What do you want me to say? I’m a cop.”

Waverly nods down at their knees, her expression sobering. “I know.”

Nicole smiles crookedly. “Well as long as you _know_.”

Waverly looks up at her, and she’s a lot closer to Nicole than she thought.

Nicole’s eyes go down to Waverly’s lips and back up again, but Waverly can see the fogginess in Nicole’s eyes from the head injury and forces herself to move back a little. She’s not sure if she’s imagining the disappointment that flashes across Nicole’s face.

Everything in her is screaming at her to kiss Nicole, but Waverly rests her head against Nicole’s shoulder again instead. “Cops,” she sighs out, and hopes Nicole can hear the softness in it.

She thinks she does; Waverly feels Nicole’s smile against her forehead.

//

Christmas is almost a repeat of Thanksgiving, with one crucial difference: Nicole doesn’t come for lunch.

She has fun with Wynonna and the others, but she can’t help missing Nicole, and she can’t keep herself from sending her texts, even though Nicole said she’d see her later.

 **Waverly [13:05]:** are u having fun with the nedleys??

 **Nicole [13:12]:** Nedley Sr. currently waxing lyrical about proper meat carving techniques. Nedley Jr. says hi.

 **Waverly [13:14]:** say hey to chrissy for me. hows the food??

 **Nicole [13:21]:** I think the ham might be bigger than me. Chrissy’s done a great job as usual.

 **Waverly [13:22]:** so i shouldnt save u leftovers then

 **Nicole [13:24]:** Don’t you dare.

 **Waverly [13:25]:** u know u love wynonna’s cooking

 **Nicole [13:26]:** Wynonna cooked it? I don’t want any hot dog surprise, thanks.

 **Waverly [13:27]:** i’ll tell her u said that. what time do u think u’ll come over later??

 **Nicole [13:29]:** nicole cant come to the phone right now she is having a nice family dinner and her phone has been confiscated

Waverly laughs, and taps a message back quickly, hoping Chrissy will see it.

 **Waverly [13:30]:** merry christmas chrissy

 **Nicole [13:32]:** merry christmas babe. haughtshot will see u later

//

Nicole gets to the homestead just after 6pm, and Waverly smiles at her and presses a cup of hot cocoa into her hands, whipped cream melting on the top, as soon as she gets her jacket off.

“Good timing, we were just about to watch a movie.”

“Hey,” Nicole says, setting the cup down carefully on the nearest surface. She reaches for Waverly’s hand and pulls her back from where she’s trying to go into the living room. “I got you a present.”

“You did?” Waverly says softly, unable to keep the surprise out of her voice.

“It’s not much,” Nicole starts to say, as she pulls it out of the deep pocket of her coat, “but I hope you’ll like it.”

It’s one rectangular package in colourful wrapping paper, and as Waverly turns it over in her hands she’s pretty certain it’s a book. “Nicole, thank you, you didn’t have to get me anything.”

Nicole just looks at her, so Waverly rips the paper off, smiling when she sees the heavy leather binding and crisp white edge of the pages. She’s expecting a blank notebook, but when she flips it open, her mouth drops open.

The title page says _A Compendium of Outlaws Brought to Justice by Wyatt Earp_ , and when she turns the page there’s a section devoted to each revenant Wynonna has killed, including a physical description, photos where they have them, the reason why Wyatt killed them and other notes on their history, and a date in a footnote at the bottom that Waverly realises is when Wynonna shot them with Peacemaker.

“It’s from your research,” Nicole says, pulling Waverly’s attention back from reading Fish’s story. “Jeremy helped me pull it all together.”

“Nicole this is—” Waverly looks up from the pages helplessly, unsure how to tell her just how much she loves it. “This is amazing.”

“We included some of the revenants you’ve identified but Wynonna hasn’t killed yet, and there’s some blank pages for you to fill in at the end once we’ve got them all.” Nicole takes a step closer, ducking her head to find Waverly’s eyes. “I thought— when this is all over it’ll be Alice’s history. You can pass it on to her when she’s old enough.”

Waverly swallows against the lump in her throat and nods, not trusting herself to speak. Nicole’s smile turns small and uncertain, and Waverly huffs out a breath before stepping forward to close the space between them.

Nicole is tense in her arms for a moment before Waverly feels all the tension go out of her and her arms wrap around Waverly’s waist. She presses her face into Nicole’s shoulder, pushing herself up on her tiptoes so Nicole has to steady her. Nicole’s practically holding all of Waverly’s weight, but Waverly knows she won’t drop her.

“Merry Christmas, Waves,” Nicole says, somewhere by her ear.

Waverly clings on a little tighter before she mumbles back, “you too.”

//

Wynonna insists they watch _A Muppet Christmas Carol_ , and spends the whole movie laughing uproariously at every joke, even though she’s seen it before.

Waverly’s seen the movie before too, and she’s only half paying attention, because Nicole keeps shifting closer on the couch and then sneaking glances at her, like she’s checking it’s okay.

Waverly leans forward to get her glass of water off of the coffee table and takes a sip, before putting it back down as an excuse to get even closer to Nicole, so close their thighs are touching when she sinks back into the couch.

She holds still a second, but Nicole doesn’t pull away.

She thinks she sees the hint of a smile at the corner of Nicole’s mouth, and then Nicole glances sideways to check Wynonna isn’t paying attention before lifting her arm up and sliding it around Waverly’s shoulders, her fingers coming to rest against Waverly’s arm.

“What, no fake yawn?” Wynonna says, her eyes not leaving the television.

Nicole uses the arm that isn’t around Waverly to flip Wynonna off, and Waverly laughs and leans further into Nicole’s side, lifting a hand to tangle her fingers through Nicole’s and pull Nicole’s arm a little tighter around her.

“Be nice, please. It’s Christmas,” Waverly mumbles, turning her face into Nicole’s shoulder.

“Okay.” Wynonna says it louder than Nicole, but Waverly is so close to Nicole she hears her say it anyway.

Waverly blinks in surprise; she expected Nicole to give in easily, but not Wynonna. She looks over at her sister and finds her watching them with soft eyes.

“Merry Christmas, baby girl,” Wynonna mouths, like she doesn’t want to disturb the moment.

Waverly tucks herself a little closer against Nicole’s side and grins back, until Wynonna turns back to the screen.

//

Doc keeps Shorty’s open until midnight for New Year’s, and almost the whole town is there, crammed in and drinking his liquor faster than he can bring it up out of the basement. Waverly helps him serve drinks through the rush, until things calm down as they get closer to midnight, and then she takes a bottle of whiskey over to the table where Wynonna, Nicole, Dolls, and Jeremy are sitting and fills their glasses.

Doc comes to join them when it’s nearly midnight, throwing an arm around Wynonna’s shoulders and patting Jeremy’s shoulder briefly with his free hand.

“Happy new year,” Dolls says solemnly, lifting his glass to toast, and the others copy the gesture.

“To this being the year we finally break the curse,” Wynonna adds, before her eyes slide sideways to Waverly, “and our baby girl coming home.”

Waverly knows she means Alice, but she still has to swallow to clear her throat before she can drink the whiskey as the clock starts to chime midnight.

When she slams the empty glass down on the table, Wynonna and Doc are kissing, Dolls watching with a carefully blank face over Jeremy’s shoulder as he hugs him. The kiss doesn’t last long, and then Wynonna is pulling Dolls into a tight hug as Jeremy grins at Doc and opens his arms. Doc pats one arm against Jeremy’s back as he hugs him, and Waverly can see Jeremy close his eyes for a moment, like he’s savoring the feel of it.

Waverly feels a hand on her shoulder, and when she turns, Nicole has already got her arms around her, pulling her close. “Happy new year.”

Waverly doesn’t want to let go, and after a few moments, Nicole turns her face into Waverly and presses a long, warm kiss against Waverly’s temple.

Waverly lifts her head at the same time Nicole looks down, their eyes meeting for a long moment. She wants to kiss Nicole properly, but she won’t be the one to ask if she can.

Nicole asked her for time, so she’ll wait.

Nicole brings a hand up to stroke against Waverly’s cheek, the corner of her mouth quirking up into a smile when her fingers drop away and settle back in the small of Waverly’s back. “Do you have a new year’s resolution?”

Waverly mostly gave them up when she was a kid and nothing seemed to change no matter what she did, but she nods now. “Never let the people I love forget I love them.”

Nicole’s eyes go impossibly soft, and her hands press a little firmer against Waverly’s back.

“I think that should be everyone’s resolution,” Nicole says, her eyes not leaving hers.

Waverly holds her breath as Nicole’s eyes flick down to her lips and then back up, and she’s not sure if it’s a trick of the dim bar lights that make it seem like Nicole is leaning closer. Her heart beats out a clumsy staccato against her ribs as her tongue darts out to lick at her bottom lip, and she pushes herself up on to her tiptoes to meet Nicole.

She doesn’t make it.

“Happy new year!” Wynonna says, as she slams into them and pulls them both into a clumsy hug.

Nicole huffs out a laugh and meets Waverly’s eyes over Wynonna’s shoulder, and Waverly knows the moment is gone.

//

Waverly brings her research into the bullpen sometimes, when it’s mostly empty and Nedley isn’t around to see her.

She sits at the desk next to Nicole’s, and tries to pretend she can’t feel Nicole’s eyes on her while she works at cross-referencing possible revenants between dusty old tomes.

Waverly scribbles her notes, and sneaks a glance at Nicole, at the way her eyes drift up from her report to watch Waverly chew at the end of the pen as she leafs through the pages of her book. Their eyes meet, and Waverly watches Nicole flush as red as her hair.

“Earth to Haught.”

Nicole spins in her chair quickly, kicking the trash can as she goes and nearly sending it rolling across the floor. Waverly hides a smile as Nicole reaches down to steady it, and glares at the way Matheson is smirking at her. “What?”

“I was calling your name, didn’t you hear me?”

Nicole folds her arms across her chest, but the blush hasn’t fully faded from her cheeks, and Waverly keeps her eyes down on her book, fighting hard to wipe the smile from her face.

Matheson shrugs. “Just got a 10-39 call. You wanna check it out?”

“Sure,” Nicole huffs, reaching for her jacket.

Matheson smirks again, his eyes skipping to Waverly and back. “That’s a noise complaint, in case your brain isn’t working right now.”

“Got it, Tony,” she bites out.

Waverly loses the fight against the smile, and Nicole’s expression softens when she notices.

“Hope it’s an easy call,” Waverly says.

Nicole presses her hand against Waverly’s shoulder lightly as she goes by, and strides towards Matheson until he has to move to let her pass, a satisfied smirk on her face when he moves out of the way.  

//

She watches Wynonna carefully when it’s getting close to Alice’s second birthday, but she’s rarely alone, spending most of her time with Doc and Nicole.

Waverly hopes it means she’s doing okay, but she can’t quite bring herself to ask.

//

On Alice’s birthday, Wynonna shakes her awake at 4am. Waverly looks at her carefully, but she’s completely sober, and she pushes herself up, leaning back against the headboard.

“What’s wrong?” Waverly rubs a hand over her face, squinting against the sudden bright of the lamp Wynonna has turned on.

“We need to go to Black Badge.”

Waverly throws the duvet and extra blankets off her legs, “Okay, but why?”

“I have to call Gus and Alice.” Wynonna says it like it makes perfect sense, and Waverly sighs as she reaches for her clothes.

//

Nicole is waiting for them when they get there, and Waverly comes to a stop in the doorway when she sees Nicole, idly spinning on one of the chairs.

Nicole smiles when the chair turns her towards Waverly, and she braces her feet against the floor so she stops spinning. “Hey.” She runs a hand through her hair, pushing some of it back away from her face, and Waverly can’t keep her eyes from tracking the movement of Nicole’s fingers.

Waverly crosses the room to drop into the chair Nicole pulls out for her, stifling a yawn behind her hand.

“Wynonna drag you out of bed?”

Waverly nods. “Yeah, she didn’t really explain why we have to do this now.”

“I don’t make the rules,” Wynonna says, from where she’s calling Gus on the computer.

Waverly looks at Nicole, one eyebrow quirked, and Nicole just shrugs and looks away in this way she knows means Nicole isn’t telling her something. She bites her lip, wondering if she should ask, or if it’s just going to be one more thing she accepts happened between Nicole and Wynonna while she was gone.

The call connects before Waverly can say anything else, and Gus’s face comes into view, frozen for a second before the video buffers and she smiles at Wynonna.

“Hey Gus,” Wynonna says, and then pushes her seat back, so she’s on the opposite side of Nicole to Waverly, and Gus can see Waverly and Nicole as well. “Waves and Nicole are here too.”

Waverly waves quickly, happy and excited, but she doesn’t miss the way Gus’s eyes settle on her, and then skip sideways to Nicole, and back again. There’s a question in Gus’s eyes, but she doesn’t say anything, and Waverly tries to ignore it.

The video on the computer blurs for long moments, stairs and Gus’s feet visible, before it levels out again, and they’re looking down at Alice in her crib, her dark hair curled around her face, peaceful expression on her face as she sleeps.

“Oh my God,” Waverly breathes, her hand finding Nicole’s and squeezing. “She got so big.”

“Hey, baby girl,” Wynonna whispers to the screen, and Waverly swallows, her grip on Nicole’s hand tightening. Nicole strokes her thumb against Waverly’s knuckles and Waverly forces herself to loosen her grip.

Waverly looks past Nicole to Wynonna, a heartbroken expression on her face as she stares at her daughter. Nicole shifts next to her, so she can slide her free arm around to rest on the back of Wynonna’s chair. Waverly watches her brush the tips of her fingers against Wynonna’s shoulder.

Gus keeps the video on Alice while she tells them about all the mischief she’s been making now she’s getting steadier on her feet, and Wynonna shifts in her seat to lean a little closer to the screen, her eyes never leaving Alice’s face.

“No kidding she’s a troublemaker. She is an Earp,” Nicole says with a crooked smile, and Wynonna chuckles next to her.

The video flips around, and Gus smiles fondly at them. “Good thing I’ve had so much experience with that.”

“I think she’s talking about you, Wynonna,” Waverly stage whispers, and Gus laughs.

“You were a different kind of trouble, Waverly Earp.”

Waverly gasps, mock offended, and looks sideways for support, but instead sees the soft expression on Nicole’s face, her eyes warm and dark. Nicole grins, her cheeks dimpling, and Waverly huffs out a laugh, shaking her head.

“It’s a good kind of trouble,” Nicole whispers, squeezing Waverly’s fingers where their hands are still joined.

Something warm flips over in the pit of Waverly’s stomach and she can’t find it in her to argue.

//

Wynonna and Waverly wait until Nicole’s shift ends an hour later, and then meet her on the street outside the station.

“Come on,” Wynonna says, turning to walk away without waiting to see if Nicole is following. “We’re going to Shorty’s.”

Waverly just shrugs and then turns to follow Wynonna.

“It’s seven in the morning, Wynonna.” Waverly can tell Nicole is following them. “It’s not open.”

“Doc will open the door for me.”

“He can open the door, but it’s illegal for him to sell you whiskey.”

Wynonna glances both ways before she crosses the street. “As if we ever pay for his whiskey,” she tosses over her shoulder, and Nicole huffs out a laugh. “And now we have an excuse not to, since you’ll have to arrest him if he tries to make us pay, right?”

“Um,” Nicole says. Waverly grins at her encouragingly. “That’s not exactly what I meant.”

//

Doc does open the door, and when Wynonna says, “Nicole says you have to give us free alcohol or she’ll arrest you,” he just blinks in confusion for a minute before handing over the bottle.

Wynonna meets his eyes when she takes it, her expression almost but not quite crumpling. Doc grips her elbow to steady her arm, and then pulls her closer with his other hand, ghosting a kiss against her hair when she hides her face against his chest.

Waverly looks away, her eyes finding Nicole. Waverly tries to smile, but she doesn’t quite make it, and after a second Nicole wraps an arm around her shoulders to pull her against her side. Waverly’s fingers creep under her duty jacket by her hip, and she feels Nicole shiver. Waverly wants to curl into Nicole’s warmth and never let go.

“Will Wynonna be okay?” Waverly asks, voice quiet. She feels helpless, but Nicole was there for Wynonna last year, and she needs to know.

Nicole leans away from Waverly and finds her eyes, nodding reassuringly.

Waverly can’t bring herself to look at her, and Nicole uses her thumb to tilt Waverly’s chin towards her. “She’ll be fine. She’s got you, and me, and Doc.” Nicole smiles crookedly. “And the whiskey.”

“Nicole,” Waverly sighs, giving in to the feeling of Nicole stroking her thumb along the hinge of her jaw.  

Nicole doesn’t speak until their eyes meet again. “She’ll be fine, Waves. She’s got us.”

//

 **Nicole [16:45]:** I know I was supposed to be bringing food over tonight, but Tony’s sick and guess who has to cover Sunday night speed trap duty.

Waverly tries to ignore the wave of disappointment that rushes through her.

 **Waverly [16:51]:** hmm let me guess… the rookie?

 **Nicole [16:58]:** Yep. I’m pretty sure I’m going to be on the Sunday night speed trap until I retire.

Waverly laughs under her breath, and taps her thumbs against the screen quickly.

 **Waverly [17:12]:** when you’re sheriff you’ll have your own rookie you can torture with it

Nicole’s reply comes quickly, and she reads it on the lockscreen, not bothering to open it.

 **Nicole [17:14]:** Here’s hoping.

Her phone buzzes again, insistently, and she glances back down at it as the messages come through.

 **Nicole [17:15]:** I wondered if maybe you wanted to keep me company?

 **Nicole [17:16]:** I mean, I know it’s boring so you don’t have to.

 **Nicole [17:16]:** But if you want to?

Waverly used to keep her company on Sunday nights, before she left. It had started with her hanging out in the passenger seat, trading stories about their days and talking, and ended with her climbing into Nicole’s lap and kissing her until they were dizzy, both of them fumbling for the speed gun when headlights had appeared on the highway in the distance.

Waverly swallows.

 **Waverly [17:19]:** meet you by the purgatory sign?

Nicole’s reply comes through fast, like she was waiting for Waverly’s text.

 **Nicole [17:20]:** Okay :)

//

Nicole’s cruiser is already parked by the side of the road when she pulls up in her Jeep, and the first thing she says when Waverly climbs into the passenger seat is, “You slowed down before you were in range,” and shows her the numbers on the speed gun.

“I just didn’t want you to give me a ticket,” Waverly says, and Nicole laughs.

“I would never.”

Waverly glances at her sideways. “Yeah, you would.”

Nicole laughs again. “Okay, I would. But I’d feel pretty bad about it.”

“God, you’re such a cop.” Waverly rolls her eyes, but she smiles when she says it.

Nicole grins wide, her eyes shining. “You love that about me.”

“Yeah, I kinda do.”

Waverly reaches across the console to brush her fingers against the back of Nicole’s hand when she says it, and after a second, Nicole flips her hand over and tangles her fingers through Waverly’s.

She feels the mood shift, the fun giving way to something more serious.

Nicole’s eyes are still on their hands when she says, “Waverly, I think we need to talk. About when— after you left town. It doesn't have to be now if you don't want to. I don't mean to just ambush you like this with no warning.”

“Okay,” Waverly says, and Nicole looks up at her quickly.

Nerves flutter in Waverly’s chest. They're overdue this conversation by an entire year, but it doesn't mean she knows what Nicole is going to say or what to expect. She’s played some version of this out in her head a million times over the last twenty-four months, but it didn’t feel like this then.

Nicole hasn't let go of her hand.

“We can talk about it now,” she says. She’s proud of how steady her voice comes out, even if it is a little quiet.  

Nicole sucks in a breath. “I’ve been thinking about it, and the thing is, I don't need to talk about why you left or why you didn't call, or anything like that. I get it, Waves. I got it even before I got your first letter.”

Waverly nods down at her lap.

“But I do need to know one thing.”

Nicole adjusts her grip on Waverly’s hand and Waverly squeezes her fingers tighter, afraid she's going to let go. Nicole pulls their hands a little closer to her, so they're almost resting in her lap, and Waverly feels herself relax.

“Anything,” Waverly says, her voice catching on the word.

Nicole looks at her for a long moment. “Will you tell me about where you went?”

It's not what she's expecting, and she opens her mouth and then closes it again, blinking at her in surprise. “That— that’s all?”

Nicole’s eyes find hers as she nods. “That's all.”

//

She tells her everything.

She tells her about going to Gus first, and having to leave two days later when the guilt twisted in her stomach so much it made her feel sick, because she was with Alice and Wynonna _wasn’t_. She tells her about how she had to get out of Canada, because no matter where she went all she wanted to do was get on a bus and come back.

Portland was next, and then California. She tells her about going to the beach and staring at the ocean and missing her so much she almost cried as she stood there on the sand.

She tells her about the nightmares and how she couldn’t sleep, and Nicole’s eyes go impossibly soft.

Las Vegas was so overwhelming she couldn’t stay more than three days, and she tells her about travelling through the desert in Nevada, how the wide open skies were beautiful in a different way to home.

She tells her about the week she spent in a motel in Wyoming, unable to sleep because every time she closed her eyes all she saw was everyone dying in some battle against the demon she’d helped set free. After four days nothing felt real anymore, and her body finally gave out on the seventh. She slept for so long the motel clerk came to check on her, thinking she’d skipped out without paying.

When Waverly has to pause to give herself a moment before she carries on, Nicole uses her other hand to cradle Waverly’s between both of hers, her eyes never leaving Waverly’s face.

Waverly keeps talking.

She crossed the Midwest on so many buses they all blurred together, catching a few minutes of sleep at a time. Everyone always asked her where she was going, a young girl like her alone, and Waverly hadn’t known what to tell them.

She tells her how she felt better for the first time in months when she got to New York, and about trailing her fingers over the spines of the books in the library there and remembering who she was. She read the word _Earp_ in the rare books she found there and felt like she belonged to it, in a way she hadn’t in months.

She tells her how the nightmares started to fade away, and she finally slept through a whole week without one.

After working in Shorty’s, working at a bar in Brooklyn was nothing at all; hipsters were easier to deal with than cowboys, but it made her start to miss home so fiercely that she knew it was time to start thinking about going back.

She found a list of books about Wyatt in New York, and when she searched for them they were in London, so she put off going home to go and try to find them, using the last of the money Gus had given her from selling Shorty’s for the plane ticket. She’d been terrified when the plane took off, but she found the books, and she knew it was worth it because she’d found the name of more revenants, and she knew it would help to break the curse.

She didn’t say in London long, and the plane back to New York wasn’t as scary now she knew it was the start of her journey home.

Waverly hears Nicole exhale noisily when she tells her she stood in the middle of the Rainbow Bridge at Niagara Falls and thought about her; how she hoped that she still had someone to come home to, because otherwise she was just going back to a place she’d lived her whole live, and that wasn’t the same thing at all.

Nicole’s fingers twitch in hers, and the hand she has against the back of Waverly’s strokes against her knuckles.

She tells her how she'd practised exactly what she was going to say to her on every bus between Niagara Falls and Purgatory and how she forgot it all as soon as she saw her face at BBD.

Nicole’s silent for a long time when Waverly stops talking, and she waits, her hand warm between both of Nicole’s.

“Waverly,” Nicole sighs. She’d turned in her seat while Waverly was talking, her whole body facing her across the console between the seats. She opens her mouth and then closes it; Waverly sees her jaw clench. “I’m so happy you came home,” she says, and then she’s leaning forward, letting go of Waverly’s hands so she can pull her into a hug.

It’s awkward; the space between the seats too big for them to get close enough, but one of Nicole’s hands goes to the back of her head, and the other one brushes past her jaw before she loops it around her back. Waverly presses her face into Nicole’s shoulder and sighs out the breath she hadn’t realised she’d been holding.

“It must have been so hard to go through all that alone,” Nicole whispers, somewhere by her ear.

Waverly wonders if she should tell her it was only the thought of coming back to her that got her through it.

“You’re extraordinary, Waverly Earp,” Nicole says, voice even quieter.

Something lurches in Waverly’s stomach, and she shakes her head against Nicole’s shoulder, thinking about how Nicole looked at her when she first got back to town and how she’s holding her now.

She was so sure they’d never get back to this point, so sure Nicole hated her and would never forgive her for what she’d done.

“No,” she says, shaking her head again as she pulls back from the hug to look at her. Nicole’s hands slide down from her shoulders, resting on Waverly’s elbows. “ _You_ are, Nicole.”

A wide, slow smile blooms over Nicole’s face, dimples appearing in both cheeks.

Warmth floods Waverly’s chest. “Thank you,” she says.

Nicole huffs out a half laugh. “For what?”

“Being you,” Waverly tells her, and watches her smile get even wider.

//

Nicole insists on following her back to the homestead to make sure she gets home safely, the lights of her cruiser shining in Waverly’s rearview mirror all the way home.

Waverly gets out of her Jeep, and peers at Nicole through the windshield of her car, having to squint past the lights. After a moment, they go off, and Nicole’s door opens.

Nicole doesn't say anything, but she walks Waverly to the porch, so close their shoulders bump with every step. She lingers on the bottom step when Waverly goes up to the top. When she turns round, she’s taller than Nicole for once, and she looks down on her, the porch light she’d left on illuminating Nicole’s face.

“Thanks for keeping me company,” Nicole says, her hand twisting around her utility belt.

Waverly nods down at her. “Thanks for asking me to.”

Nicole shifts, and then she climbs another step. They're almost the same height now, and it brings her closer. Waverly can see her breath steaming in the air between them.

“Thanks for the escort home,” Waverly adds, gesturing up at the door. “It's lonely out here.”

“Sure,” Nicole says, her eyes on Waverly’s face.

She doesn't want to go in, and Nicole doesn't look like she wants to leave. They just stay there, looking at each other until Nicole swallows.

Nicole’s hand comes up slowly, like she thinks Waverly might pull away, and reaches to tuck a strand of hair behind Waverly’s ear. She drops her hand down to her side again.

“Goodnight, Waverly.”

“Goodnight,” Waverly breathes.

The moment stretches, Nicole’s eyes searching hers for something she must find, because then she leans forward to almost but not quite close the last of the space between them.

She hovers there, so close Waverly can feel her breath against her lips.

“Can—?”

“Yes,” Waverly says, before she can finish.

Nicole kisses her slowly, close mouthed and sweet, like she thinks Waverly might still stop her, and Waverly would laugh, but.

Nicole’s hand comes up again to brush against Waverly’s jaw, and Waverly’s fingers tangle into Nicole’s hair as the kiss deepens, still slow and gentle, but insistent, somehow, like Nicole’s trying to put some meaning into it she can't find the words for.

She thinks what Nicole means is _welcome home_.

Waverly’s other arm loops around Nicole’s neck, holding her close as Nicole sighs into her, her shoulders dropping as the tension goes out of her, the hand she doesn't have on Waverly’s cheek going down to settle in the small of Waverly’s back.

Waverly feels the warmth of it through her jacket.

The kiss breaks, and Nicole rests her forehead against Waverly’s as she exhales noisily. Even this close, Waverly can see her smile, wide and dimpled. She strokes her thumb against the corner of Nicole’s mouth and feels Nicole huff out a laugh.

“Goodnight,” Nicole says again, breathless.

Neither of them let go, and Waverly shakes her head against Nicole’s forehead.

“Not yet.” Waverly’s thumb presses into the dimple in Nicole’s cheek.

“Okay,” Nicole mumbles against Waverly’s lips.

Waverly can feel her smile when she kisses her again.

**Author's Note:**

> a huge thank you to my two wonderful betas: smurf (iamthegaysmurf on tumbr, TheGaySmurf here), who read this first and yelled in all the right places as well as catching my errors, and ruth (doctoruth here and on tumblr) who provided grammatical accuracy, as ever, lots of keysmashing, and talked me down off several ledges. please go and check out their fic, you will not regret it.
> 
> come yell at me: socallmedaisy.tumblr.com


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